Guest Post: Is There Such A Thing As Being Early

Guest Post: Is There Such a Thing as Being Early?

Life for me is a constant battle between finding shoes, changing diapers and controlling temper tantrums. Most days I find myself running out of minutes, but on a good day I may have a few to spare.

Long before the days of motherhood I was known as the one who showed up to events fashionably early or maybe I was uncomfortably ahead of schedule. Just depends on who you ask. I was extremely turned off by tardiness and vowed to never be that person.

Well it looks as if karma and 3 wonderfully insane children have kicked me in the rear end. Nowadays in order to stay on task I find myself needing to be 10 steps ahead of myself. Even then it seems something always happens that causes me to stray off course. 

My sister is joining the crazy world of parenthood and I am looking forward to her getting the karma bug as well. For the last few years she has nonstop picked on me and I am ready to return the favor. She is about to get it bad as just yesterday she received the news that twins were in her future. Ha ha is all I had to say to that.

Luckily for her I have been there, done that and wear the heavily stained t-shirt. My multitasking skills are ever improving and she is just now about to experience the culture shock of becoming a mother. I can't say that I will help her navigate or even arrive on time. This is something she will have to figure out on her own, however I am capable of spoiling them with material things as she has done to my rambunctious crew.

I have already gotten started. As soon as I heard the news I found Carters clothes and began buying them in sets of two. Finding online Carters deals while feeding and infant is something I am an old pro at. Feeding the twins, well - that's about to be her job. Figuring out how to get the stains out of such adorable garments; again is her area. Solving those problems and leaving the house before 8:00 AM is where I get a chuckle. Mean maybe, funny definitely.

So by now you have realized that I find it impossible to be on time, much less early. This is where you shake your head and feel my anguish. Thanks for the support...now onto the real reason I am discussing this topic. Sorry, I got slightly off track thinking about my sister and her beautiful mess waiting to happen.

I just found out about the best Black Friday sale that was released several months early. This means that I am able to get a jump start on Christmas savings and there is no way I will be rushing around come November. I can do my shopping online and avoid the insane mobs of people in the malls all while being at least 50 steps ahead of myself. Woo hoo! You should probably get on board too.

The harsh reality is that as parents it is impossible to always be early, heck it's hard enough to be on time. This doesn't mean that we stop trying. Celebrate the small victories such as online deals found months ahead of schedule.  As for the day to day, find humor in the new you. Laugh at the temper tantrum that gets you out the door 10 minutes late as well as the egg yolk you find on your blouse long after leaving home.

Spicing Up Married Sex - Guest Post by Adam & Eve

This is a guest post by Ellis Lindsay for Adam & Eve. Ellis is a freelance writer who covers a variety of topics on romance, dating, and relationship advice. 

Things can get kind of routine when you've been married for awhile. The water spray on the bathroom mirror, the funky morning breath, the Mexican restaurant every third Thursday of the month, the 4-o-clock-kids-mini-van-soccer-pick-up-time, and even the late Friday night sex routine. But that's also what makes marriage awesome. It's life; it's your life and you wouldn't want anything else--BUT let's be real. Sex was a whole lot more fun way back when, right? You didn't have to rush, schedule, be quiet or think about semantics. It was just a here, now, throw down, show down kind of thing, amiright!?

No, you may not be able to get away with doing the nasty in the back seat of your car any more and you can't just get away for a weekend of nakedness, but you can make things fun again. And that's what sex is really all about, anyway... having fun, enjoying each other and rocking each others socks off. Try using some of these fun-inducing ideas if your sex life has gone from Samantha Jones (Sex and the City) to Charlotte York.

Get into Character--this is can be a fun way to make things feel new and even like you're sleeping with someone new, which may not be something you truly want, but is very exciting. For this, try role playing in bed with different characters or scenarios. Have fun with it by dressing up, putting on an accent and jumping into the role. Do your best to stay in the role the entire time.

Get unbored with board games--You know those cutesy adult board games you can get at sex stores like Adam and Eve? Some of them are kind of cheesy and others can be a fun way to introduce new positions, acts and moves. Make a night of it. Stay in with some wine and bust out the games. Don't want to spend any money on games? Just play strip poker instead. Learn how to play here.

Throw sex out the window--You know when you go on a diet and say, "I'm not going to eat chocolate anymore!" and then all you can think about is chocolate. It's like this cruel trick you play on your brain. The fun thing is, you can also do it with sex (so forget about giving up the chocolate--that's just blasphemous). Make a pact with the hubster that you're both going to give up sex for a week-two weeks-whatever really seems like a long time for the two of you. You're only allowed to kiss and maybe go to second base if you're scandalous. It will be frustrating (in a good way) at times and leave you both dieing to dive into each other.

Swing around--No, I don't mean as a couple, unless you want to cause that can be fun, too, but I'm actually referring to getting a sex swing. A sex swing can be a super easy way to make sex amazingly fun again. Sex swings not only allow you to swing to orgasm, but also get you into various positions that are usually uncomfortable or unsuccessful on a bed. Hook it up to the ceiling or have it free-standing, either way, you won't regret it.

Seduction Junction--Remember how sexy you felt when you used to get picked up in bars when you were single? It was awesome, right? Well, there's no reason you can't still live it up today, now you can just do it with your husband. Pick a night, get dressed up and both head out to a bar or restaurant. Sit apart from each other and order a drink. Hang out by yourself for 10-20 minutes, but occasionally make eyes at your partner. Have him come over when your drink starts to run dry and chat it up. Act like you don't even know each other. Order another round of drinks and pull out your best seductive moves. Then have him pick up the bill, leave with him and go home and have the best fake one-night stand ever.

What do you do to keep things fun in your bedroom?

This Happened!

So Mom O Matic has been gone for a bit now, but I had to temporarily reopen the blog to boast that I am in Jenny's book selflessly promote Jenny Lawson's amazing new book! Her book is called, Let's Pretend This Never Happened and you should buy a big stack of copies because you'll want to give it out to everyone you know that needs a laugh, which is everyone.


To help you spot the book in stores I'm providing a screenshot of the cover and have helpfully marked where you can find mention of Lotta (p201) and my real name Tanya (Acknowledgements).*


*If you live in the western suburbs of Chicago or have access to a private plane I would be available to come over and show you the pages myself because I'm a giver.

It was pretty cool to see Lotta resurrected in print, and knowing Jenny (did I mention I know Jenny?) I was able to recognize that this resurrection means she equates me with Jesus so I think we can safely assume any references in the book about "Jesus" are me as well. And I want to let her know that no matter how famous I become from being in this book or healing the sick I will always have a place for her in my heart.

This is a picture from a themed dress up party and I don't normally wear a getup like this. Except for the lighter in the bra strap, cause that's just handy. Also, the marks on my neck are fake hickeys made with eyeshadow, cause everyone knows the real ones go on the inside of your upper arms, duh.


I'm pretty sure Jenny will become super famous and take me along for the ride and so you'll want to get your hands on a first edition as quickly as possible. Thanks for reading about me Jenny! Go buy the book!



Love,
Lotta XO

My New Home - gracie mack

Now that Mom O Matic has come to an end, I hope that you will all come by and visit me at my new online home, gracie mack. It's where I'll be selling my handmade jewelry.

To learn about new listings, vintage finds and crafting adventures you can like gracie mack on facebook or follow @tweetgraciemack on twitter.

Hope you check it out! Thanks!

Fresh Greens Sterling Silver Earrings at gracie mack.

The End

It is time to move on and focus on the many new projects percolating in my head. Thanks for reading, commenting, emailing, and for coming back after I took some blogging breaks. I may pop up again with a new online venture some day. Momomatic has been a great adventure thank you for being part of it. Love, Tanya.