Clumsy Workers Aid Terrorism

My OCD tendencies are constantly at war with my complete and total lack of mechanical abilities. I inherited this trait from my father. Dad also had the determination and the obsessive need for perfection coupled with some bunked up fixing abilities.

When my sister and I were in Junior High Dad decided to gut our only bathroom. Problem was, Dad couldn't figure out how to get the new bathtub in the space where the old cast iron one used to be. Luckily, in my family we are as creative as we are inept. Dad tossed a garden hose over the rafters in the garage and placed a blue plastic kiddy pool underneath it. Ta da. This was our shower for the next three weeks.

Open mouthed my sister and I could not believe we would be forced to be n-u-d-e in the garage and under a hose. Dad was indignant, clearly we could not see the genius in his design and we better, "goddamned appreciate it or we could shower at the school". We actually didn't mind too much. Dad thoughtfully hooked up the hose to the laundry room utility sink and snaked it out to the garage so we could have warm water. At least as long as no one in the house flushed the powder room toilet.

Our lingering horror was in the imagined reactions of the neighbors as they watched us march one by one to take our turn in the rigged up shower. Having lived most of his life in and around farms Dad didn't always get the rules of suburbia. After a good sweat working in his PBS Victory Garden dad would strip down to his white saggy skivvies and give himself a good hose off. Outside. Apparently, he too didn't like having to shower in the garage; he just had a different objection.

Lucky for me I married an architect. My husband will pull out the level to hang my pictures and re-caulk the tub at the first sign of skeevy black stuff. He contents my OCD side and doesn’t mind, no insists, that I allow him to do the home repair. I try to wait for him, I really do. But my impatient upbringing rises up in me and next thing I know I'm hiring the two teenage guys next door to bring the enormous Ikea bookshelf from the dining room to the basement. They were very apologetic when the bookshelf got wedged halfway down the stairwell. After husband calmly took the shelf apart and reconstructed it (with a level) downstairs later that night I cheerfully said, “See doesn’t it look better down here?”. Silence. Did I mention the man also has more patience than I will ever own?

So when I saw this video on YouTube I just about blew a fuse. My lust, my quest for organized physical perfection has been stoked. But my fingers once again fail me. I can't do it. I just can't. I have watched this video at least 10 times and I think I've got it and no. Damn, lost it! I know I'm going to have to wake up husband in the morning and ask him to recreate this for me in slow motion.


Patthebunny said...

Oh my god stop!!!!!!!
I'm peeing myself with laughter.

wendy boucher said...

That video is hilarious. It made me WANT to fold shirts. I'm going to go try it right now.

Thanks for visiting the Poop Deck. :)

phaloblu said...

that's hilarious, Marlon showed me this video about a year ago...Ha Ha Ha!

I figured out how to do it, the trick is when you fold it over, you hold the bottom and top together and then pull the middle section through...

chicaloungin said...

I worked at Benetton one summer in high school, so listen, the easier way to fold like an anal freak (helps focus that OCD lady!) is take an 8.5 x 11 piece of cardboard, badabing, badaboom, go wild, set in closet, sort colors ascending vs. descending--(ha).

Clothes, I'm all good. But years ago, when I got married (now divorced, thus the running and sex with younger men--hee hoo), I could've sent hate mail to Martha Stewart...all her shit in Weddings was made for Barbie doll sized fingers. Every fold or tuck or tie I made was a lopsided mess. Then the bakers in France said they couldn't put Martha's flowers on my cake... "Dangerous" they said.

Should have known then, huh?

R said...

Cannot stop watching this. Must fold shirts.

Lotta said...

Wendy and R - I would try to stop you from watching the video but my fingers are bloody stumps from trying to figure out how to fold my shirts for the past 24 hours.

Chica - you realize that introducting another medium (cardboard) into the mix only confuses me.

Phaloblu - By the way. I'm not pregnant. The test was in the garbage when you came over cause I was late and you know how I like to pee on those things. Don't tell mom.