Not for sale on QVC

I'm half tempted to order one of these rings from Proud "Cookie" just to hear my conservative relatives try to figure it out. "So pretty, like a flower dear".

And how much therapy will this little dude in the picture need?

All I know is that it took me 32 years to take a look at my lady bits again. After my little run-in with a rusty playground bolt I just didn't have the stomach to check it out. My OB kept urging me to, "look in the mirror, see the baby!" during birth. Um, pass.
I gave husband permission to stay up near my head lest he be scared off from visiting the scene again. Amazingly, he was not in the least bit put off.

During the final moments of pushing I stopped, looked at the doctor and said, "I'm cool with you drying the baby off and stuff first. No need to put it on my chest right away or anything." And no, my children and I have awesome bonds despite my unwillingess to have my uterine goo smeared across my chest.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm all for enjoying your womanly bits. When a religious girlfriend of mine, who had somehow managed to save herself for marriage asked me for honeymoon advice I told her, "God wants you to have an orgasm." So viva la biscuit. I'm just not gonna create a plastic model of my bald man in a boat or flash my pocketbook pinkie ring.

15 comments:

Veronica said...

I'm going to have to agree with you about this. I love myself and all, but I don't really need to display replicas of all my bits and pieces to prove it.

Lotta said...

Hear, hear!

Lotta said...

Hear, hear!

Betsy Wasser said...

I too was totally willing to pass on the Discovery Channel aspects of childbirth. Just because it's natural doesn't mean I want to watch it.

jen said...

OMG...the plastic pink model gina was soooo funny!!! I totally did not expect that. Now I have a co-worker coming over to see what the hell I was cracking up at...

Lotta said...

And don't ya love how they have magnets you can attach to the plastic ones. That would put me off icecream if I put it on the freezer though.

chicaloungin said...

For the first time ever today, I wrote publicly about my labia. WAH!

I mean, I commented on Isabella Snow's blog on Designer Labia (see below, don't know how to link it here, sorry!).

I guess you could call it my addition to The Vagina Monologues, which is a worthy project and YES, we should all love the love down there, whatever shape, size, heaven & hell it's/she's/Buffy's/Fluffy's been through

...but still, jesus, those rings are crreeeeepy!!!!!

http://isabellasnow.blogspot.com/2006/05/designer-labia.html

PS How come women don't name their vaginas? Or do we? Am I out SO out of the vaginal loop? I mean, I just joined You Tube today and saw the Shakira vid Hips Don't Lie and I have no idea how long it's been part of our pop culture. I wanna dance like that. Imagine how the labia would feel!

chicaloungin said...

PS Vagina is in the air!!

Mommy off the Record said...

Wow. That is SOME ring. Where in the heck did you come across those? LOL.

Lotta said...

I can never reveal my sources. Did ya order one?

Jenny said...

Dude. Vagina IS in the air. I'm just about to get kicked off my site (I suspect) for using the word vulva.

I love this post.

Domestic Chicky said...

Dude! My dad drives a vulva!

OK, I know, the joke was made at MIM's house, but it still made me laugh!

We call my "bits" a cookie..as in once a month, my cookie done broke..

Lotta said...

I don't get it? Why is your cookie broke? Are you having rough sex?

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