Nothing good can come from all this nakedness

I took my kids swimming at the pool yesterday. Our pool is part of a relatively nice (meaning we gave up cable to afford it) gym called Lifetime Fitness. The women's changing room is usually a mix of ladies, primarily moms of all ages and a few younger girls.

As always, I'm amazed at the confidence with which these women display their bodies. Naked, blow-drying hair. Naked, putting on makeup. Naked, who the hell cares.

I, on the other hand am unsuccessfully clutching my tiny white Lifetime towel to my body while I shimmy into my Fruit of the Loom boy cuts. Nothing good can come from all this mass nakedness.

Case in point, I saw the woman next to me happened to have a clean cookie. No hair, nada. On the drive home I realized that compared to her my husband could get lost trying to navigate my foliage. So after the kids went to bed I searched the net for the best way to get rid of the hair (shaving with conditioner after a long bath).

Determined NOT to give myself any cuts or razor burn I used a heavy metal handled razor my husband had given up and continually switched out the razor refills to make sure I wasn't working with a dull blade.

3 blades later I'm almost done, and convinced that something is seriously wrong with me. Clearly, my cupcake hair has a tensile strength unlike any other. Admittedly, I'm also getting impatient and take an uncalculated swipe. Sonofabitch. Totally took off the top half of my pinky nail. Sonofamotherfreakingbitch.

Clearly in pain, and convinced I have been the big foot of the pussy hair crowd, and my husband was too kind to tell me, I unveil the final results. After telling him of the torture I put myself through he informs me that I had been loading the razor blades upside down. Upside down. Turns out I'm not a wookie, just an idiot.

Not going there again sister.

Check out this funny Craig's List post...You Rule, Vietnamese Waxer Lady


KrisT said...

Good God by some Veet!

Red Rollerskate said...

Dude, I am going to have to visit your site more often so that i can LAUGH MY ASS OFF fully.

Kristi said...

Something I would do, no doubt.

Joker The Lurcher said...

ooh no! i don't even tweeze my eyebrows never mind going down there with anything sharp!

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