I just can't stop imagining myself using this phone from Fred Flare and I don't think I could do it.
Every conversation would go something like this.
Me: Hello. Snort.
Friend: Hello, hello. Are you there?
Me: Wheezy silent laughter.
Friend: Are you ok? Are you choking or something?
Me: Snort. Call me again. Call me, call me. Do it. Do it!
Friend: Jesus! Are you on that motherf'ing bat phone again? I'm hanging up.
Me: Snicker. Snort.