Sew it on a pillow: Give Little, Give Seldom, and above all, Give Grudgingly

Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride: By Ruth Smythers, beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers, Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional Conference. Published in the year of our Lord 1894, Spiritual Guidance Press
On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex. At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction. Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.
And they wonder why women had to be treated for "hysteria".

The men didn't have it much easier...
The late 1800s to the early 1900s were dark days for masturbation. During this time both Corn Flakes and Graham Crackers were developed in an effort to curb masturbatory impulses in young boys. (Source: About.com)
Not sure how a graham cracker would help? But I'll pull one out next time my son won't stop touching his weiner at Target and see what happens.

10 comments:

dianeinjapan said...

Where oh where did you find this precious gem of marriage advice?! I must share it with Husband. Sittin' here bumfuzzled about the corn flakes and graham crackers...

Jenny said...

Wow. What a bundle of joy she must have been to live with.

(By the way, I've never masturbated while eating a graham cracker so I think that story must be true.)

wendy boucher said...

Corn flakes and graham crackers? How hilarious. What kind of search did you do to find this stuff, hmmm?

Lotta said...

Wendy - Why I just googled "Stop my son from masturbating please." and "How much sex am I obligated to have with my husband?".

Actually, I use Firefox as my browser and it comes with this great function called a Stumble button. You hit it and you get a random web site to check out. I'm hitting that think like an old lady with her oxygen tank at the slots. It's so fun!

Lotta said...

"think" - meant "thing"

Lotta said...

JapanDiane - "bumfuzzled"? I love it! How can I better use that in a sentence? "Well I'll be bumfuzzled!" Would that work?

Jenny - It's difficult and you get crumbs in the sheets so I don't reccomend it.

M said...

I was having a bad day and that made me laugh hysterically. I will never eat graham crackers and corn flakes without thinking about this...omg...lol.

Lotta said...

Thanks for stopping by M. Come again!

dianeinjapan said...

Yep, "bumfuzzled" is a fun Texas-type word that may be used as you suggested. I forget that my Texan may need more translation than my Japanese.

chicaloungin said...

Does anyone know: Are the 2000s the light days for masturbation?