Urban Myth Parenting

Me: Hey who wants to go to McDonalds Playland?! (rubbing hands together with glee over the 10 minutes I will get to read my trashy gossip rag)
My Kid: Let me get the car door for you mommy.
Neighbors Kid: Oh, I can't go to McDonalds Playlands. I'm not allowed. One time someone left a hypodermic needle in the playland tunnel and a kid was pricked and died of AIDS.
Me: Seriously? Who told you that?
Neighbor's Kid: My mom. I'm not allowed. I can't go.

Ok, it takes a lot to keep a kid from McDonalds even with a parental ban. And this tactic was either genius or nuts. For the sake of neighborly peace I'm going to assume that my neighbor does NOT believe in the HIV needle story and has created a new and fabulous urban myth parenting technique.

Employ.
  • Be sure to flush your poopy down or the Sewer Alligators will come up for a snack!
  • Mommy would wash the floor, but the Swiffer wet wash might kill the dog. Just walk around the sticky spots.
  • Wash your hair or the bugs will move in and eat your brains.
  • No! You can't buy that expensive Spiderman jacket, it wasn't made in the USA so there is a snake living inside ready to bite you till you die!
  • Put the Bubble Yum back baby, it's filled with spider eggs.
  • 5 second rule! You can still eat your cookie sweety. (Hey, I do use this one!)
Now tell all your friends about this blog and you will get a free Old Navy Gift Certificate.

11 comments:

TaraD said...

LMFAO!!!

Marley said...

So that's what killed the dog.

Mommy off the Record said...

I'm writing these down for future use!

Oh, and that Old Navy gift certificate. That was a joke right? he he

jen said...

My personal favorite...
"If you eat too much junk food...you will turn into Oscar the Grouch and have to live in a garbage can"
ORRRRRRR...

"If you stick your tongue out and cross your eyes when a fly goes by...your eyes will get stuck that way"

Lotta said...

Ha!

Wendy Boucher said...

Where I grew up, Pop Rocks were made from spider eggs, not Bubble Yum. Around my house we need a myth to curb television watching. I'm thinking "turn off the television or the Crocodile Hunter will explode." No logic but Girlie might buy the "buildup" of dangerous television waves focused on her favorite snake wrangler.

Lotta said...

We had pop rocks and pop will make your stomach explode.

I hear ya on the tv!

Painter Beach Girl said...

All I have to say to my kids to get them to change their mind about something is preface it with "quick! quick!!!"

Lotta said...

Painter girl. ???

In my house "quick quick" is translated to "take your sweet damn time and watch mommy's face get all red"

Veronica said...

People lie to their kids! Did my parents do this to me??

I am really getting suspicious about whether or not my hair will fall out of my head if I don't blowdry it after every bath.

Kristi said...

"..move in and eat your brains." Good one. I'm totally hijacking that one.