My husband however is very stoic and anti painkiller.
Recently, he went 6 months before mentioning that his left testicle hurt. Hurt badly. I force fed him some Aleve and accompanied him to a urologist (who incidentally was kind of hot in a salt and pepper George Clooney kind of way.) Husband told the doctor that his testicle had been throbbing with pain for some time. It would pulsate after too much physical activity.
Frankly, if my cupcake were “pulsating” with pain I’d speak the hell up a lot sooner. At the very least I would be knocking down Aleve like tic tacs. But husband didn’t say a thing until he started to walk with a limp.
Turns out that the pain was nothing health threatening, but we were advised to begin making baby number 2 if we planned on having more children. We did plan on having a second child. We planned to have one after our bank account was filled back up and my wide ass no longer had to sit sideways on narrow chairs. But, fear is a great aphrodisiac to a thirty plus chick. So I booked the next flight to Vegas for the baby launch party.
Let me explain, our son was created at the first launch party held at House of Blues in Chicago. I swear to you he picked up a guitar when he was one and has not put it down since. I’m convinced that the Blues mojo came into the process and therefore I wanted to pick my favorite annual vacation location for the second baby. Being a lover of all things tacky and kitsch we booked a room at the Flamingo, packed some Sinatra CD’s and snuck back to the room between rounds of Craps.
But back to the testicle pain. The doctor gave my husband a prescription for a full bottle of Vicodin with the counsel to take one anytime he had trouble sleeping. Husband took one of the lovely pills the first night and said they made his stomach queasy and promptly put the bottle up high on the shelf. Hot damn.
After a particularly stressful day (once offspring was in bed) I would feel a little soreness in my throat, perhaps I stubbed my toe that day and it really…. throbbed. Pop. Vico-vacation. In this state I could even manage a call with my parents without a twinge of anxiety. Ah, the bliss of pharmaceuticals.
One Vegas vacation later we now have our little lady luck and I used up all my Vico-vacations. Lest anyone think I went totally Valley of the Dolls I did not consume those beauties once we started consummating. However, I’ve been hinting about a trip to Mexico to husband. Perhaps, I’ll need to pick up some "sunscreen" from the local farmacia one afternoon.