Have you never been mellow

Have you ever tried?

I was somewhere (that shall be not be named) with someone (who shall not be named) and she found a cigarette case someone had left behind. She opened it, looked inside and gasped. I of course subtly asked, "What, what, what? Did you find something? What did you see? Can I see?". I'm smooth like that.

She flashed me a quick look inside the case and I too gasped. Then she looked surprised that I would know what to gasp about. That's right people, I recognize a
one-hitter when I see one.

Of course that's about as far as my knowledge goes. I've tried pot about three times in my life. Once with a one-hitter my senior year of high school. Once in something that looked like a box the summer after high school. And once in my college dorm with a homemade diet coke can contraption that was paired with a paper towel roll McGyvered with a piece of Bounce on the end. Inhale can. Exhale through paper towel roll. Produce freshly scented dooby smoke that fooled no one.

Flash forward about 15(ahem) years and I'm clean as a whistle. Well, sorta clean. I guess not very clean. I took some postpartum meds that were prescribed after the birth of my daughter. I couldn't even watch Everybody Loves Raymond witho
ut crying. "She is just so mean to him!" sob, shake fist at the TV.

So what do I tell my children when they ask about drugs? "Well kids, mommy lit up a few times but all she really got were the munchies. Then I had your sister and got some anti-anxiety meds. Whoa, nice. That was a good mellow."

Maybe instead of Bunco nights we should have Dooby nights? Once a month we all meet at a different home. One mom brings the Febreeze, and another supplies the Cheetos. Everyone kicks back and breathes deep. Pretty soon the fact that my son got a verbal warning for biting someone at camp doesn't seem so bad. "Aaaaaah, no worries. It didn't break the skin". There would be less infighting amongst moms. Or maybe things would get bitchy? "God did you see how dirty Janet's bong water was last week?" But I don't think so, no one would want to harsh their mellow.

Wide-hips would come back into fashion as mom's succumbed to the munchies. Less housework would get done, but dads would get laid more often. Of course there is that pesky parenting business, that might be hard to manage.

Of course I'm not advocating that mom's start lighting up. Or anyone for that matter. Really. But I think moms do need to reach back to that mellow feeling we had when we were younger. Maybe yours wasn't chemically induced, it was just that feeling of unburdened summer freedom. Frankly, I doubt I figured how to inhale enough for the pot to have any effect. I think it was just being young, and having it be ok to chill out with friends. It doesn't matter, try to get back to whatever moment it was for you when you were pre-kids and could still take deep breaths that didn't shudder on release because you were so tense.

Mom's are so hard on each other, hard on ourselves. We need to just stop and chill. Cause it's ok. I promise.
You are doing a great job. Your world won't fall apart while you put your feet up and mellow. Cause if we can't then I'm gonna have to start bringing out the jive sticks and we don't want to go there.

Bring us home Olivia.


Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

What a find. The case and the thoughts that followed.


Jenny said...

I'm totally up for dooby nights. If pot was legal I wouldn't need this lexapro perscription.

jen said...

I am in!!!! I think more people should smoke pot. Let's start with Ann Coulter...

Betsy Wasser said...

I'm okay with talking to my kid hypocracy-free about drugs and smoking. But drinking? I'm in big trouble when my son finds out that Mommy and Daddy met at a Wednesday night fraternity party at which Mommy was dancing on a coffee table.

Lotta said...

Thanks for the comments! I'm almost dissapointed that I haven't gotten an angry rant for talking about pot.

Domestic Chicky said...

What are you thinking? Are you suggesting that we can't handle cooking, shopping, cleaning, diapering, bathing, working(some of us), blogging, screwing, and uber-momming it everywhere without a little herbal refreshment?

How was that?? Hee

Love this post! Can you imagine the playgroups? Comparing homegrown to the designer stuff, tools, accessories...hehehe. Even if it was legal, the stuff gave me weird dreams.

wendy boucher said...

Dooby nights. I love it. Okay, I love the idea of it. You are right on with this post.

Lotta said...

Yea my oldass self couldn't handle the real thing. But I'll take an afternoon vegging on the couch and pretending to be stoned anytime.

jennster said...

lmfao @ jen's comment. not even pot would calm that stupid bitch down. ann, not jen. lol

Lotta said...

So glad you clarified Jennster. I thought we had a fight on our hands. I was about to turn on the hose.

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