Have you ever tried?
I was somewhere (that shall be not be named) with someone (who shall not be named) and she found a cigarette case someone had left behind. She opened it, looked inside and gasped. I of course subtly asked, "What, what, what? Did you find something? What did you see? Can I see?". I'm smooth like that.
She flashed me a quick look inside the case and I too gasped. Then she looked surprised that I would know what to gasp about. That's right people, I recognize a one-hitter when I see one.
Of course that's about as far as my knowledge goes. I've tried pot about three times in my life. Once with a one-hitter my senior year of high school. Once in something that looked like a box the summer after high school. And once in my college dorm with a homemade diet coke can contraption that was paired with a paper towel roll McGyvered with a piece of Bounce on the end. Inhale can. Exhale through paper towel roll. Produce freshly scented dooby smoke that fooled no one.
Flash forward about 15(ahem) years and I'm clean as a whistle. Well, sorta clean. I guess not very clean. I took some postpartum meds that were prescribed after the birth of my daughter. I couldn't even watch Everybody Loves Raymond without crying. "She is just so mean to him!" sob, shake fist at the TV.
So what do I tell my children when they ask about drugs? "Well kids, mommy lit up a few times but all she really got were the munchies. Then I had your sister and got some anti-anxiety meds. Whoa, nice. That was a good mellow."
Maybe instead of Bunco nights we should have Dooby nights? Once a month we all meet at a different home. One mom brings the Febreeze, and another supplies the Cheetos. Everyone kicks back and breathes deep. Pretty soon the fact that my son got a verbal warning for biting someone at camp doesn't seem so bad. "Aaaaaah, no worries. It didn't break the skin". There would be less infighting amongst moms. Or maybe things would get bitchy? "God did you see how dirty Janet's bong water was last week?" But I don't think so, no one would want to harsh their mellow.
Wide-hips would come back into fashion as mom's succumbed to the munchies. Less housework would get done, but dads would get laid more often. Of course there is that pesky parenting business, that might be hard to manage.
Of course I'm not advocating that mom's start lighting up. Or anyone for that matter. Really. But I think moms do need to reach back to that mellow feeling we had when we were younger. Maybe yours wasn't chemically induced, it was just that feeling of unburdened summer freedom. Frankly, I doubt I figured how to inhale enough for the pot to have any effect. I think it was just being young, and having it be ok to chill out with friends. It doesn't matter, try to get back to whatever moment it was for you when you were pre-kids and could still take deep breaths that didn't shudder on release because you were so tense.
Mom's are so hard on each other, hard on ourselves. We need to just stop and chill. Cause it's ok. I promise. You are doing a great job. Your world won't fall apart while you put your feet up and mellow. Cause if we can't then I'm gonna have to start bringing out the jive sticks and we don't want to go there.
Bring us home Olivia.