This past weekend was my 35th birthday!
To celebrate the Lotta family descended upon our rich relation's vacation home in Michigan. We boated, we drank, we tried not to think about the $9.87 that awaited us in our checking account back home, and we bitched at our husband that forgot to buy birthday cards for ticked off wife. Rich relation's awesome girls kept an eye on our wee ones so we could relax and enjoy the weekend. So nice.
By Sunday I was getting the shakes. I thought it might be from the Texas size margarita I drank the night before, but it was actually blog withdrawal. I tuned into my sneaky stats to see if anyone was hanging around Mom O Matic.
(Looking around an empty room)
The smug and cozy feeling I had from getting 100+ visitors a day was quickly popped when I saw I had only 25 people stopping by since my last post. I hadn't realized what an addicting thrill it is to have visitors! I promise to recall some seriously dorky antics real soon to get you all to swing by for a visit. Here is one to keep you hanging in there. It's from my comedic adult dating period (husband and I briefly separated after 7 years of dating and I was mental, horny and didn't have a clue how to proceed).
I'm in a crowded movie theatre with a date and suddenly I have to pee, righteously. There is no way I'm holding this in. So I start to snake past a very disgruntled group of movie goers to get to the aisle and find relief. People are cursing me out as I go by which is making me even more nervous and clumsy. I think I actually sat on some guys lap at one point as I lost my balance. Well, I got to the end of the aisle and hit a wall. A literal wall. I went the WRONG GODDAMNED WAY and was facing a carpeted movie theatre wall with no exit in sight. So I had to slither past all those people again, past my date and then past a new group of folks that no doubt watched my little folly.
When I returned to my seat I decided to act nonchalant. If he asked, I would claim it was some social expeirment. I would hold up my hand and shush him while I scribbled some cryptic notes about crowd response in my checkbook register/notebook. The opportunity did not present itself as date avoided eye contact for the rest of the night.
In retrospect the whole dating thing would have gone much better had I just presented the Dork Disclaimer right up front. My therapist suggested that I intentionally sabotaged my dates because I really wanted to be back with husband the whole time. I think I'm just going to go with that one. He is the best (love you babe) even if he sucks wads at birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.