Birthday

This past weekend was my 35th birthday!

To celebrate the Lotta family descended upon our rich relation's vacation home in Michigan. We boated, we drank, we tried not to think about the $9.87 that awaited us in our checking account back home,
and we bitched at our husband that forgot to buy birthday cards for ticked off wife. Rich relation's awesome girls kept an eye on our wee ones so we could relax and enjoy the weekend. So nice.

By Sunday I was getting the shakes. I thought it might be from the Texas size margarita I drank the night before, but it was actually blog withdrawal. I tuned into my sneaky stats to see if anyone was hanging around Mom O Matic.


(Looking around an empty room)


The smug and cozy feeling I had from getting 100+ visitors a day was quickly popped when I saw I had only 25 people stopping by since my last post. I hadn't realized what an addicting thrill it is to have visitors! I promise to recall some seriously dorky antics real soon to get you all to swing by for a visit. Here is one to keep you hanging in there. It's from my comedic adult dating period (husband and I briefly separated after 7 years of dating and I was mental, horny and didn't have a clue how to proceed
).

I'm in a crowded movie theatre with a date and suddenly I have to pee, righteously. There is no way I'm holding this in. So I start to snake past a very disgruntled group of movie goers to get to the aisle and find relief. People are cursing me out as I go by which is making me even more nervous and clumsy. I think I actually sat on some guys lap at one point as I lost my balance. Well, I got to the end of the aisle and hit a wall. A literal wall. I went the WRONG GODDAMNED WAY and was facing a carpeted movie theatre wall with no exit in sight. So I had to slither past all those people again, past my date and then past a new group of folks that no doubt watched my little folly.

When I returned to my seat I decided to act nonchalant. If he asked, I would claim it was some social expeirment. I would hold up my hand and shush him while I scribbled some cryptic notes about
crowd response in my checkbook register/notebook. The opportunity did not present itself as date avoided eye contact for the rest of the night.

In retrospect the whole dating thing would have gone much better had I just presented the Dork Disclaimer right up front. My therapist suggested that I intentionally sabotaged my dates because I really wanted to be back with husband the whole time. I think I'm just going to go with that one. He is the best (love you babe) even if he sucks wads at birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

10 comments:

chicaloungin said...

Welcome to the "Officially Mature Set" (HA HA HA HA HA!!)... Happy Birthday. We will let you off the hook for leaving us so long.

I LOVE the old man with the cane ad. We just don't do any of it like they did in the good ol' days, do we now?

Lotta said...

I know - there is no hidden medical advertising. Just drug em!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! Glad you had fun at the rich relatives.
As far as husband sucking wads, dont be surprised when SOMEDAY, he does actually surprise you with some way cool surprise...it can happen!
Lucy

Jo said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

I agree that checking your stats to see how many visitors you get IS addictive. It's a little like winning some sick blog lotto everytime you have a good number. lol.

Just know I'm always checking on ya and love reading whenever you post. ;)

Samantha said...

I'm a new fan of yours! I wont leave ya hangin' LOL

Samantha said...

I almost forgot to mention...
If you like doing crafts, you should try plastic canvasing. It's a lot of fun, and you can make some really neat stuff, from magnets, to decorative boxes, etc...

Lotta said...

Thanks so much for all the nice comments!!!

Plastic canvasing? I'll have to google that.

Right now I have more ambition and craft supplies than time. Next up, I'm going to try to copy the Ugly Doll for my son.

jen said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! We are both 35! We can now commiserate on our way up the hill...

Lotta said...

Thanks Jen!

The only part of me that minds being 35 is my vanity.

I feel like I have 5 more years where I could be hot (or have the potential to be hot). Then 10 more years (45) for potential good looking. Five more years for a shot at nice looking (50) and then it's on to well preserved. Or "clean".

Alicia said...

Just stumbled in here.Refreshing and funny! I will be back. (I think my husband must be related to yours...he is SO bad at holiday/birthday/anniversaries.)