Get Your Naked On

As any parent knows trying to go to the bathroom with wee ones in the house is a feat unto itself. Lock the door and you immediately hear CRASH WAIL and have to fly off the toilet unfinished business and all to comfort your wee one.

Recently, I was making plans with Carol on the phone and she said, "Do you realize what I'm doing right now. I'm going to the bathroom, holding my 1 year old and the three year old is on the floor drawing with crayons." All this while we made plans to take the kids somewhere. It gets a little crazy. Iobsess (one of my new favorite reads) has a
great article where she writes about trying to go the potty with a child in the room.
" (Child will) insert his hand into the small gap that exists between my tukus and the toilet opening (a place of mystery and wonder, it would seem), or insert any toy or other random object, for that matter; each of these occurring in such rapid succession as to cause my hands and mouth to blur in their thrashing, inept attempts to keep pace with his movements."
She so nailed it.

Despite coming from parents that resemble The Lovers of Saturday Night Live I'm not too comfortable with group nudity. My parents used to shower together often to "save water" and in high school sister and I would run to our room as fast as we could if we smelled the fireplace burning on a Saturday night. God forbid we saw mom buying strawberries, wine and cheese at the grocery store. We knew a night of 70's style loving was coming.

Since having children my approach with nudity has become more cavalier. My son was a high risk pregnancy and so I had more people in the delivery room then have shown up at my New Years Eve parties. I think after you have had ten or more folks passing by your spread eagle crotch saying, "nice work" certain privacy barriers just break down.

Last night, I was in the basement laundry room and decided to just strip and toss my clothing in the pile before going upstairs to get ready for bed. My three year old watched me as I washed my face and giggled, "Mommy, are you going to walk around with your naked on?" He quickly stripped down too and ran over to husband, "Daddy mommy and I have our naked on!".

One of these days husband and I are going to get to go on a trip together again. And while I think he will be most looking forward to getting our naked on together, I'm torn. Making sweet love without having one ear pointed towards the door will be great. But closing the bathroom door and taking care of business alone will be oh so sweet. I'll pat my suitcase with a wink and hint that I've got a little something special in there for us. That's right, the Ikea catalogs and the latest This Old House magazine.


Anonymous said...

The thing we REALLY need cell phone use in the john? I recently rang up my 33 yr. old nephew at work. He answered and when I inquired, "hey, watcha doin'?" he shared that he was taking a piss. I ask you, is that TMI? I asked him how he could hold his cell phone, plus hold his pee pee (dont ya need two hands to handle those whoppers?) at the same time. He assured me that he was more than adept at holding his one-eyed monster with one hand.
After that revelation, I wasnt sure if I remembered what I first called him about...maybe next time
he wont be getting his "potty on"!

Pioneer Woman said...

Awww, don't wait for a trip to get your naked on!! Go for it. Right now.

Gillian said...

You are just mean and you should be ashamed as well and I blame you for world hunger. LOL I was just visiting Dooce's comments and wanted to be your first hate e-mailer. (BTW, I am creeping toward 60 and I still have to fight a tendency to announce to the room that I am going to the bathroom. No toddler needs to be reassured that I will return and nobody else is interested -- still -- I am obviously traumitized.)


Lotta said...

Anon - I know, when you have kids you lose your standards but then friends remind you that potty time is not phone time.

Ree - I'm on it!

Gillian - Thanks for following me home! Feel free to come by and insult me anytime. :)

Jenny said...

I just woke Hailey up laughing at this.

It was totally worth it.

Lotta said...

Shucks. Thanks Jenny!

lildb said...

ahhhh. that's some good readin' material, there. (although the ikea catalog is rivaled for my precious attention by the west elm and anthropologie 'logs in my bath -- er, library, lately.)

and thanks for the shout-out! I loves me some props.


wendy boucher said...

Very funny. I remember those days. Now my Girlie tells me to shut the door.

Lotta said...

That's funny Wendy. My son tells me to pull my shirt down if it rides up. It freaks him out to see my stretch marks. I'm like - are you kidding - this is your artwork kiddo!

Anonymous said...

Ok that is too funny. I often feel so violated when I try to go potty. I can't close the door cause my one year old needs access to me, but he always trys to poke my muffing while I pee. By the time Jim (my husband) comes home the last thing I want is some action.

Marty said...

Ok I may be peeing myself a little reading this article.

Lotta said...

Marty - I've been peeing myself a little since I gave birth for the first time!

Anonymous (if that's your real name) I so understand the no muffin touching policy after a day of defending yourself on the potty.