Well Atkins has been more like 1/2 day Atkins. Sadly, we have learned that meat + meat = weight loss. But meat + icecream = weight gain. I'm actually weaning off one of my post-partum mommy vitamins so I'm trying to be kind to myself. Cravings and withdrawl seem to go hand in hand. (Not to mention eye ticks that have me looking like I'm putting the make on everyone who makes eye contact.) In the meantime, I've stocked the fridge with tempting poultry products in hopes that today will be the day. I'm giving myself till the weekend and then going all out cavewoman.
I just finished reading 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet. Good book! They give an overall review of all the weight loss programs (Jenny Craig, Dr. Phil, etc.) out there today as well as looking at some of the excercise programs like Curves. I wish the excercise portion of the book had been expanded upon a bit more. I would like to find something I can do that won't injure anyone.
The last time I did group excercise it was a step class. I had visions of stepping up and down, side to side, just like we did in the 80's on our magenta and blue steppers. Wrong. The moves were so complex they actually had names. The instructor would shout out "Elvis!" or "Rumba" and the steppers would launch into a complex dance routine that involved tap dancing on top of their steppers like they were rooftops in a musical.
Initially, I had been in the front of the class to better see the instructor. Eventually, I slunk to the back after realizing my spazzercising was throwing off the rhythm of the people behind me. A cute girl was having a hard time and that made feel a litle better. When she left she got a "Come back and try again!" and a smattering of applause. A few minutes later I left too, I paused at the door waiting and nothing. Nothing man. I was so bad they weren't going to yell "come back soon!". I think next time I'm at the club I will be sure to do my stretching excercises right outside the glass walls of the studio. Maybe I'll let my baggy yoga XXXL Target yoga pants fall down so I "accidentally" moon them a few times.
Prior to working out at my shmancy club I went with Carol to her Jazzercise class. Carol is so into Jazzercise it's just damn cute. She has a little wheely bag, mat and water bottle with the words Jazzercise printed on it. I want to give her Jazz hands everytime I see her all dressed up to excercise.
The class was in a church basement with a stage up front. I loved that the class had a mix of women of all ages and sizes. The dance routines were also broken up into short segments that made it easier to memorize. Each segment went with a selection of music. Wait, did I say music? I meant to say We Love The 80's music. The dance routines were simple enough but I could not stop cracking up at all of us. We were like the reject Solid Gold Dancers.
"Solid Gold!" Snicker. Snort. I tried to parlay my amusement into a super happy enthusiasm for the love of dance. But then I looked like retarded solid gold dancer and that just made me laugh even harder. God bless those sweet Jazzercisers but I just can't do it with a straight face.
What I don't understand is why I'm not super skinny from all my mommy excercise. I bend, I lift, I stretch, I reach over and over all day. If my butt hits the seat for more than the allotted one hour naptime I'm in shock. Before kids I sat in a desk chair all day and managed to stay on the border of onederland. Maybe it's the constant proximity to food and the unfinished kids meals that are doing me in? In the meantime, please send your meat and veggie vibes my way so I can get back on the Atkins wagon. Veggie bloggers just send the lettuce vibes.