Alpha Boys and Beta Boys

Today is one of those days when I'm counting the minutes till husband comes home. I'm not sure if I'm passing on my own special brand of crazy or if this is just my son being a 3 year old (4 in November) but he is maddening today! Maddening I tell you! He can not exist in the here and now. He must know what the next 3 steps ahead are and they must include his favorite things to do.

Son: Mommy what are we doing next?

Me: Well, let's see you have had preschool, lunch, a nap, a trip to the dollar store and a bike ride. Why don't we just enjoy doing this Halloween project. Oooh spooky (trying to sound enticing).

Son: But what's next? Can I buy a gun next time we go to the dollar store? Can we go to the pool tonight? Will Daddy take me on a bike ride when he gets home?

Me: Dude, chill. We are doing the project now, that is the plan.

Son: Ok.

(1.5 minutes later)

Son: I'm done Mommy. Can I watch a show? Can I have a drink with it? Can I have a chocolate milk? You said you would play with me today and we didn't play. Nuh-huh! Can I have a toy gun, an army gun like Greg? (Flips over the chair in the living room) Ow!

Me: No dude, chill! Mommy is going to go do...uh..something (count to 10) why don't you play in your room.

Meanwhile I'm doing the silent scream in the bathroom.

It doesn't help that there are so many Beta boys in his preschool class making me feel like I'm raising a wild chimp. Mother's of boys I think you will own up to this theory. There are Beta boys and Alpha Boys.

Beta Boys: The typically 'sweet' boys that all of the general public will use as an example to show you how if you were raising your boy (an Alpha) better he would be like. "Sue's boys are so nice, they just sat down and colored for an hour while we talked." Beta boys love Thomas the Tank Engine, Blues Clues and Wiggles. They are wide eyed and a bit shy at times. Father's of Beta Boys worry that their children will get their asses kicked on the sports field someday.

Alpha Boys: Also love Thomas, BC and the Wiggles but use them as target practice with the gun they assembled out of legos. They have scars from stitches and a wild look in their eyes. A mom of an Alpha boy knows that if someone fell into the gorilla pit at the zoo, bit someone, or hears a general thud/scream combo her child is involved. Alpha boys seek out the older kids and want to play tough guy. Alpha boys practically hump your leg all day long if you don't keep them busy and active as a new puppy. Alpha boys make you wonder if your child should be on medication or if you are just a bad stinking mom.

I am the mom of an Alpha and just about out of my ever loving mind today. If I'm on my game we can have a fun day. If I need a minute to focus, collect or otherwise inhale - I'm toast.


Tuna Girl said...

Ummm, sorry, but I have a Beta boy. *ducking for cover*

My daughter is the one who always has to know the NEXT thing we're doing. I must tell her to focus a dozen times a day.

Lotta said...

It's all good. I have no doubt there are Alpha and Beta girls too. So far my girl is the easiest child God every created.

lildb said...

lord. finally.

and thank you SO FUCKING MUCH for saying it. because, seriously, I've been going out of my MIND lately, w/my kid and his wall-climbing antics.

whatta relief. heart you, Lotta. :P

Lotta said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lotta said...

Can we make that a new blog slang. TYSFM (Thank you so fucking much) Cause TYSFM for commenting!