You say cookie I say pocketbook

I have no idea what to call my daughter's private parts. My son does. When they were taking a bath together he said, "I have a penis and sister has a vaaaaa-giiiin-aaaa." Shudder.

I hate that word. But I'm not a huge fan of cookie, biscuit and muffin unless your smuttytalk'n. And ain't nothing wrong with that. But the idea of her telling her teacher that she has to pee or she'll butter her muffin makes me wince. The thought of shortening it to 'Gyna reminds me of the speed dating scene in 40 Year Old Virgin. "Private parts" works, but it's sort of generic.

And once she's old enough to learn about all the amazing parts that make up her womanhood I'll be at a loss too, because the word Clit just sounds mean to me. And Clit-or-is is odd to say out loud. It reads like an hard to pronounce girl's name; Shaniqua, Laquya, Clitoris. Am I supposed to tell her to call it her hot-box? Love-button? The hidden mystery that your high school boyfriend will neva evah find.

For my son I'm pretty ok with the word penis. Once, I told him to watch out as he zipped up his pants cause he was about to squash his junk. He just looked at me like I was crazy, "That's not junk, that's my peeee-niiis!". So we're clear on that.

I tried to google it to see if I could find something, but that's a topic better left unsearched. I found a few suggestions, but panty hamster just wasn't working for me. Though the search wasn't completely useless as I found the phrase, "Riding the cotton pony" and plan to work that into the conversation with husband.

Suggestions?

25 comments:

Nadiah Alwi said...

Oops...know what? Up 'til now, Mom and I still call it 'THAT' and I don't know how my daughter and I will call it. I'm trying to figure out something smarter though.

Will let you know if I find it. :D

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

We call it her "chachki" it will be called that until I am old and my chachki is gray!!! My mother in law calls it a "faffalina" (little flower in italian)...

Jen said...

hummm - we have used a variety of terms...in order to make ourselves laugh my hubby and I called it
Poo-tang when my girls were little - you know "make sure you get that poo-tang" - then when they started to figure stuff out and repeat we went to Hoo-Ha - because that way if they were to scream it outloud in a crowded store we could make some claim that they were quoting Al Pacino from "Scent of a Woman"

Now as they are older we just call the whole "area" the Booty....yous got your front booty and your back booty....

Jenny said...

Well since vageena didn't stick I'm liking yoni.

Panty hamster...hee!

bid said...

J calls his a winker. little "lady" calls it her butt. That's what is stuck in her head. I tried to brainwash over it. Oh he pointed out how big it was recently. I thought I had many years till I had to deal with THAT!

Lotta said...

Great suggestions and they made me laugh. Especially picturing Jen's little one yelling out Hoo Haa in an Al Pacino voice! I think I might change my son's penis name to winker - that's cute! What about "bits". Wash your bits.

jen said...

We use vagina...gina...hoo-hoo and sometimes she calls it her softie. YEP! I am one of those peeps who believes in teaching the kids the right words...and then letting them come up with their own...ya know?

Peta said...

I got some good advice to call genitals by their correct names as it could possibly stop a paedophile. Cutesy names like muffin, etc turns them on and lets them delude themselves as to what they are really doing. But if a kid says "Don't touch my penis/vagina" there is no room for delusion.

Anonymous said...

Panty Hamster! My daughter came up with a name herself - Tookie. Hey, if it works for her.

chicaloungin said...

I watched some horrible late night cartoon on Comedy Channel when I was back in Jersey at the rental home with a TV in every room.

It was about a girl who had an octopus "there" instead of a cho-cha... so cartoon girl kept getting surgery to 'fix' it, but was never satisfied with the outcome... i.e. too shiny, too invisible, etc.

That stupid cartoon (I mean, it wasn't even funny; it was the kind of thing you watch because you are stunned it ever got contracted and put on air) had so many names for it too: the pink sink, the husband hole... ladies (and gents) this was truly AWFUL television.

That said, I do like cho-cha. It has pizazz. It makes it sound like my vagina is about to dance. Which is, when you think about it, kind of what it does from time to time.

Tuna Girl said...

Egad! My mom never called it anything but "down there."

It's weird, because with my son I never once paused about teaching him the word penis. But my daughter always just called her's her butt and we never corrected her. I'm going to have to fix that. Especially since she really wants that book on making babies.

And why am *I* the one everyone asks about this stuff? Oh, yeah. Because I have no filters. ;-)

Tuna Girl said...

And OH! just please stay away from anything involving TUNA!

Southern Fried Mom said...

I love genital euphemisms!!! I don't have girls, so I don't get to use "tootie" from my childhood...or the hip, new va-jay-jay a la Grey's Anantomy. My oldest son hasn't heard vagina yet...he just knows that "mama's don't have goobers!" Yep, that's right, we say goober. We also say your privates, and we call the testes "the boys." When he wears tighty-whities, we call them nut-huggers. You have to have a sense of humor, right? (I did also teach him peeeeeeeenis, but it didn't stick). Pun intended.

slackermommy said...

I prefer anatomically correct names (it's the nurse in me) but pee pee is the name of choice by my girls.

Kristi said...

Although I like to call vaginas vaginas, my husband calls them "possibles". Perhaps that will work for you.
Congrats on the ROFL Award!

Andrea said...

Here from ROFL Awards.

This is too funny!

I've heard other women bloggers call it vajayjay or vagoogoo. But Panty Hamster just takes the cake.

Hey, cake is another one.

Lotta said...

Hi new visitors - so happy you came by! So far I have been saying "vagina" through clenched teeth. Figuring once she knows what it is we can figure out a cute nickname.

Izzy said...

lololol...I was JUST having this conversation today with my sister-in-law! We're still using the pathetically generic "pee pee".

Congrats on your ROFL award!!!

Mommy off the Record said...

I have never heard of a good "pen name" for the V-word. But I hate to say it too. Luckily, I only a son so we've dodged that bullet for now. Congrats on your ROFL Award today!

J. said...

Too funny!
Came over from Izzy's site, and glad I did. Thank you for the laugh, and congrats on the award.
For the record, daughter and I haven't gotten this quite right either. She calls it her 'girl stuff'. Heh.

Andie said...

oh. my. god. that made my day.

Thanks for the laugh!!!

Lotta said...

So happy to see new and old posters! Your comments make my day, my week!

I realized reading them that I usually don't say the name of my " " out loud. I just phrase it like, "Well you know my ____ is sore".

Gingers Mom said...

Saw you at the ROFL awards. TOO FUNNY. I almost peed myself. Great post.

My daughter calls it her privates. Or her girl parts.

But now I am rethinking panty hamster.

Anonymous said...

Pishie... Thats what me and my 2 daughters have always called it...

Anonymous said...

Call it a Pishie... That is what my daughters and I have always called it, they are now 10 and 7 yrs old...