Character Psycho Analysis

Found this fun little book meme over at Wide Open Spaces. I'm going to bastardize it and make it more of a Stichomancy Meme, Stichomancy is a very old form of divination. You pose a question and then randomly open and read a passage from a book. The passage is then interpreted as your answer.

So join me. Ask Question. Open Book. Interpret Passage.

Mine: "Are we done having babies?"

I closed my eyes and grabbed About Time: 12 Short Stories by Jack Finney (A kickass Time Travel Writer).
" And if there isn't anything they really want to do?" He shook his head. "There is always something, for everyone, that he really wants to do. It's just that here there is so rarely time to find out what it is." He brought out a tobacco pouch and, leaning on the counter, began filling his pipe, his eyes level with mine, looking at me gravely. "Life is simple there, and it's serene. In some ways, the good ways, it's like the early pioneering communities here in your country, but without the drudgery that killed the young."
Whoa, that was a little dead-on. I'm going to have to sleep on this one.

The book that has actually been in my diaper bag is I Love You, Nice to Meet You. A funny little read that I wished I had at hand when I was dating years ago. But it's still nice to look back and remember the "freakers" in your past and laugh.

My favorite freaker was a man that took for-evah to finish and not in a good way. More of an I get it already - you're a stud let's wrap this up way. Finally - he's done. Yeah, now I can take a shower and try to fib him out the door, never to return. But not to be. Apparently, this guy was really into the sensual experience of finger painting. On me. With his manpaint. Gak. I should have known that this guy was crazy when he sat Indian style on my couch, naked! I mean come on, put down a towel for Christs sake. I don't want to smell your assjuice while I'm watching Ally McBeal tomorrow night. And don't get judgy on me. Dooce stuck an A-1 bottle of steak sauce up a guy's rear and she's my idol. Mostly, cause she remembered the brand.

When I finished reading I mosied on over to Amazon to hit the "More Books Like This Link". At first I got titles like; He's Just Not That Into You, I Used to Miss Him But My Aim is Improving and The Commitment Cure: What to Do When You Fall for an Ambivalent Man. Dating books you might expect to see paired together. Nothing really relevant for me as a married broad with kids so I kept hitting "Next". After hitting that "Next" button three or four times the titles got more and more disturbing. Book suggestions like these came up; The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio: How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure and How to Be a Great Lover: Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques that Will Blow His Mind .

Not that I wouldn't encourage that kind of reading, but in context to dating advice it's odd. Apparently, Amazon believes that when all else fails just give up and get down on your damn knees!

4 comments:

Marmite Breath said...

Thank you for making me laugh hysterically before bed. I love the prediction you got. And the amazon book choices are hilarious too.

PS) Manpaint. Assjuice. OMG, I cannot stop laughing and dry heaving.

Lotta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lotta said...

Marmite - Don't dry heave!! Ok lady, you turned off your comments over on your site so I'm leaving you one here on your latests post. It had me in tears lady. And not pity tears. More like, "God that is some woman!" kind of tears. And those British boys.

Tsk Tsk. When I was an Au Pair over in England I felt harrassed often by the boys and it was never addressed. Even by "loyal" grownups. I worked lunches at a pub and learned that the owner's son had been telling everyone he had taken me on the stairway. Then 2 of his friends decided to say they nailed me in a car park. I was a Semi-VIRGIN (Sex 3 times with one man back in the states) and so that was a lie. Not to mention the fact that if it was true it was disturbing. When I told his father, my friends and other barfriends he was a big liar no one believed me! It was so frustrating. In so many ways it seemed like the idea of basic female empowerment had a long way to go over there. At least in the the countryside (Kent) where I was at.

So I can't even IMAGINE what you went through. How frustrating! So glad you found your good man. Big hugs!!

Heather said...

I hope you do not mind, but I will have to steal "assjuice" and use it when the opportunity arises!
( Although I have no idea when that will be!) This post is HELARIOUS! Of course your experience with Amazon is proof positive that it MUST be run by men. Either that, or your husband made a sizable donation and they altered your search! Fight the power! Stay off your knees! ( At least for a little while)