I'm in full on cozy mode. The house is decorated, my slippers are on, the kids are napping and the Xanax is working. I'm mentally spending the money I just earned doing some freelance marketing work by browsing ebay and marking "Watch This Item" on everything that amuses.
This little baby is calling out to me. It's a Fire Ball Christmas Tree Extinguisher. Cause the kickass tinsel trees of the 50's would get a little crispy on occasion (remember the scene in A Christmas Story when the dad plugs the leg lamp into an already overloaded socket). I love that families said to hell with home safety - we're decorating! Yea, poinsettias are poisonous. But it's Christmas, just tell Jr. not to eat it or I'll make him drink the Ipecac!
I'm hoping that no one bids on this auction so I can contact the seller and see if she'll sell it to me on the cheap. I'm normally not an advocate of slippery ebay tactics but I do so long for this wreath! Not only because it represents the 50's fun style of holiday decor but because it would horrify my mother. She and my father have aimed a single white spotlight on a large evergreen in their yard. That's it. They are featuring the glory of nature for Christmas. No big bows or things that go blinkety blink. It's as if they missed the whole IDEA of Christmas! Tinsel exists for reason! But if I have any independently wealthy readers that would like to sponsor a mothershocker of a Christmas wreath I promise I'll post pictures of both the wreath adorning my door and my mother's expression when she comes aknock'n.
I was recently browsing Christmas decor at Kmart (Martha still manages to squeak through a few cute things but has clearly lost the firm hold she used to have on her Kmart kingdom.) And I sucked air after seeing some great kitschy decor. I immediately started having a conversation with my mom, in my head, as I often do. I imagined I was rationalizing my purchase of the obviously fake evergreen garland with the tinsel candy canes. "Mom, imagine there is a border of good taste. Tackyland is on one side, Lovelyland on the other. Once something has traveled far away and deep into Tackyland it actually reenters Lovelyland again.
Then I saw this plaque on ebay and realized there was yet another dimension to explain. There are a few rare items who have gone so far across the border that they live in the deep dark woods of Tackyland. These items hide, biding their time until they are brave enough to reenter the world as art. They are so f'ed up that you just want to display them with a spotlight in your rec room. Case in point: The Christmas Plaque. I mean someone MADE this. Someone was PROUD of this. It's just awe inspiring. Really, I defy you to look at that and not feel the swell of the Christmas Spirit.
Ah ebay. You will be my undoing!