Pop and Squat

Here's the thing. Gravity and I, we aren't friends.

If I set a hairbrush down it is pulled inexplicable to the floor. A pop can set into the minivan cup holder is destined to stop, drop and roll. Which is why I view these inflatable potties warily. I fully understand the need and worry I might have to step up and buy one once daughter is ready to be potty trained. With son we went the white trash route and peed in the alley behind the Jewel Osco. That's right, that was us. He got quite adept at standing on the edge of the minivan and arching it out the door. This was of course, an emergency maneuver. Especially, since son hasn't quite gotten the idea that "it" can be taken out discreetly. He prefers to drop trough entirely since he has no bones a
bout what's going down.

Since daughter will be of the pop and squat category this isn't gonna fly. My sister in law Nelly brings a white plastic bucket (yes the same kind they buried their cats in) with a trash bag liner on long road trips. Nelly has coordination, as do all my husbands siblings. I've no doubt her bucket
of pee remains in an upright position for the duration of her trips. Were I to transport a bucket of urine it would be spilled on the floor by the second stop light. "The pee! The pee!"

The adult version of the blowup potty does appeal to me greatly as a camping potty. Husband is a devoted tent camper and isn't interested in renting a pop-up with a potty. I really like sleeping in a tent, my issue is with raccoons that lay in wait for me to step outside at midnight to whiz. I've no doubt they'll see my big whitelady moonpie and will attack it thinking they scored a double loaf of Wonder Bread. So I pee very very close to the tent. So close that husband likes to tell everyone at breakfast that a horse wandered by last night and pissed all up and down the side of his tent. Since I'm sticking close the tent, e.g. packed earth, the sound of the pee hitting the dirt reverberates through the camp ground. Still, I'm not taking chances, those raccoons are crafty buggers.

And of course, since gravity is determined to pull me and anything I touch to the ground at all times you can only imagine that I inevitably urinate all over my pajama pants while crouching in the wilds. Since I'm the girl who will not allow any clothing worn during the daytime into her bed (don't bring that city dirty into my nice clean sheets!) this means I need to change, in the dark, in our tent. And of course all that jumping around loosens up my already trashed bladder and here we go again. So I'm pretty sure I'm getting this adult potty for our next trip. Or at least a bucket and a Hefty bag cause I really don't want to have to put my lips together and blow this baby up.

16 comments:

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mark said...

Hmmm. My concern with these is how long does it take to inflate, because when you gotta go, you gotta go and the last thing you want to have to do is try and blow up a pool toy...errr inflatable potty.

Lotta said...

48306558 - Well thank you! And I do love pretty girls! But I don't think I could exchange my friends. I don't think they would go for it.

Mark - Ha! What a vision. Huffing and puffing while child frantically hops about. Though I think you are supposed to have this blown up and waiting in the back at all times.

Oh, The Joys said...

OMG the white lady moonpie/wonderbread... dying laughing!!

It reminds me of the time we were traveling in Kenya and slept in a tent...in a GAME PARK (can you say DARWIN AWARD?)and the guide told us to get up and walk (like 150 miles) to the latrine in the middle of the night...but don't let the LIONS GET YOU. Screw it. I"ll just pee right her on my own self thank you.

Heather said...

No way I am using the inflatable potty, I can hold it forever! However, when the girls were potty training (and still occasionally on long road trips) we take the little potty training potty and line it with a diaper--no pee to slop all over my van (because we have the gravity issue too!).

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I don't camp unless I can plug my blow drier into a tree and crap on a toilet.

mommiebear2 said...

I have to agree with with Janet a.k.a. "wondermom" - as my dad used to say, "my idea of camping is a wet towel at the Holiday Inn" or something like that. I could honestly say I would never buy a blow up porta potty but hey its a good idea I suppose.

nikki said...

see my problem is the lack of coordination not to pee on myself while tent camping. the blow up potty would work great!

Little Monkies said...

Ok, my mother used the same coffee-can-and-baggie technique when we were on road trips growing up. Lovely. Given that we were from Oklahoma, we'd learned the fine art of crouching by the road from the start. I highly recommend it.

Lotta said...

OTJ - Firstly, most impressed you went to check out wild game in Kenya! Secondly, I would have peed myself and then lain awake all night worrying that the lions would scent my urine and kill me. That the potty was so far away for a reason.

Heather - the diaper liner is genius! Will do that for sure!

Janet & Mommie- Understood. But we do camp where there are showers and flush potties. They are just far away from our camp site in the middle of the night.

Nikki - Right with you!

Little Monkies - So jealous of any coordination anyone has. Especially the pot and squat kind.

PamKittyMorning said...

Yeah, my peeing in the wild days are over. You crack me up Lotta.

Kristi said...

Oh yes, peeing out in the wild is no fun at all. I'm not sure the inflatable seat would make it any better.

Lotta said...

PamKitty - thanks!

Kristi - the potty would be INSIDE the tent so I wouldn't be attacked by wild vermin.

karrie said...

The moonpie reference is great!

Peeing outside never bothered me, but pooping, especially in bear country, is just terrifying.

Esmerelda said...

big whitelady moonpie and will attack it thinking they scored a double loaf of Wonder Bread.

That is the funniest line I've ever read!

instant gratification girl said...

LOL I almost pissed myself reading that! and I hear you about the trashed bladder.....I'm a firm believer in the 3 s's....stop, squeeze and sneeze!