Snapshot of my life

Today, I was standing in line at the JCPenney waiting to buy a chunky red bead bracelet for my upcoming 80's Ladies Night Out. (Oooooh yeeea). I had son and daughter with me when I smelled the most horrific fart I could imagine. I pretended to bend down and tie my shoe so I could perform a subtle assniff on daughter. She was clear.

A few minutes passed and again the horrible smell wafted by. It was gaggingly awful and I was now convinced that the woman ahead of me (who had grown increasingly silent) was toot'n her booty off. I made an excuse about seeing an open register and bolted.


While waiting in the new line the smell again assassinated my nostrils. This time I looked down to see son with a big grin on his face. That's right. Son was creating these mushroom clouds. It dawned on me that the woman at the previous register must have thought I dealt it and ran.

Sonofagun!

17 comments:

Wendy said...

Okay, that really made me laugh out loud. Gotta love the fart and poop humor.

I will let you in on a little secret: I like to let them loose and then blame the baby. "Ewwww, Sammy you stink!" I think it is the funniest thing. I never did this with my daughter, so go figure.

I am still laughing.

Esmerelda said...

My mother does that. Then she says it's me.

Nat said...

You wrong fo dat.

Oh, The Joys said...

It was me. Heh.

Kevin Charnas said...

My father does that. And actually, so does Will's dad. Nice.

That's too damn funny though. SHE TOTALLY THOUGHT IT WAS YOU!!

you stinker you.

and 80's NIGHT??? I WANNA COME!!!

Lotta said...

Wendy - My secret is that I actually like my own farts. Others gross me out. But I'm kinda proud when I make a big smelly one.

Es - Ha!

Nat - True dat!

OTJ - You didn't tell me you where coming to Chicago!

Kevin - I KNOW! And 80's night is actually 80's Prom night. We got a limo and everything. Can't wait! I'll bring the camera.

Dysfunctional Housewife said...

In our house, it's worse than dealing the blow. We actually take credit for it! LOL Our newest phrase, announced upon *impact* is stolen from the Ant Bully: PRAISE to the Mother! (pronounced Mutha)heheh.

1girl2boys said...

Nice!!!

mark said...

Very funny. Sounds like it's time to teach him about "crop dusting." (Take a stroll down an empty aisle in a store and "dust the crops" on the way.)

Stephanie said...

Sorry. I know I should be horrified, but since I have two nephews, I...just LOVE little boys!!

(In a good way. Be nice, now!)

QueenieBadd said...

See, my son would leave no doubt about who dealt it-he announces his farts proudly. And categorizes them-hot or cold. AND will clarify for you the noise they make, in case you didn't hear it clearly enough.

Yes, my son is quite the fartologist...I'm so proud.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

My father loves to fart...then let you walk into it. It's an amazing talent. he always takes credit for his explosions!

Lotta said...

Dys - That's funny!

Mark - I'll let grandma teach him that one. She's the pro!

Stephanie - "Be nice"? Did ya think I took him out to the woodshed for fart'n?

Queen/Janet - I guess I must view this is as the launch of a brilliant farting career!

Paige said...

Tears...pouring from my eyes...too much laughter!!! Must stop!!!

Kristine said...

This post made me really laugh out loud. My daughter in the other room just hollered "What's so funny?"

Lotta said...

Ok, I have a big dorky grin thinking about making you all laugh. I love to do that!

Red Rollerskate said...

You don't have to worry when you have kids. Lady prob'ly just thought your kids were stinky. :)