I stumbled across this blog called Stay Free and it's a riot. Ok, I lied there was no stumbling involved. I was actually googling to find out why my lady bits are ejecting tampons like a broken VCR and their site came up.
Cooter: Nope, sorry ma'm we're gonna have to send this one back.
Me: But this is the expensive kind. See, look at the box it says "Pearl". I take care of you baby.
Cooter: Yeah, that's not gonna fly. You've pushed two 8 pounders through this tunnel of love and frankly I think I hear an echo. Eject!
Me: Damnit! Look, there's this theory that tampons have fiberglass in them. Can we just go with that? Say I'm SUPER sensitive and my body rejects any unnatural fibers.
Cooter: Whatever makes you feel better Ma'm (echo) Ma'm Ma'm Ma'm Ma'm.
Me: Very funny.