Stay Free! Meet me after next period.

I stumbled across this blog called Stay Free and it's a riot. Ok, I lied there was no stumbling involved. I was actually googling to find out why my lady bits are ejecting tampons like a broken VCR and their site came up.

Cooter: Nope, sorry ma'm we're gonna have to send this one back.

Me: But this is the expensive kind. See, look at the box it says "Pearl". I take care of you baby.

Cooter: Yeah, that's not gonna fly. You've pushed two 8 pounders through this tunnel of love and frankly I think I hear an echo. Eject!

Me: Damnit! Look, there's this theory that tampons have fiberglass in them. Can we just go with that? Say I'm SUPER sensitive and my body rejects any unnatural fibers.

Cooter: Whatever makes you feel better Ma'm (echo) Ma'm Ma'm Ma'm Ma'm.

Me: Very funny.

22 comments:

Housewife said...

Ejecting tampons? Really?

mark said...

And I'm at a loss for words. "Conversations with Cooter" That could make quite the blog.

mark said...

Holy-moley! I just saw my blog on your blogroll - Thanks!

Peta said...

Lotta, perhaps you are not shoving the tampons far enough up your cooter *grin* You need to push them up so the (some long name) muscle grips on to the tampon. If they are too close to the entrance they can just drop out.
If this ain't the problem then pelvic floor exercises. I have had two nine pounders and the exercises work wonders!

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I friggin' love that post.
Your 'crack' me up.

Have you tried OB...they're HUGE...those are what I use...oh, TMI.

nikki said...

i just peed my pants.

i remember the first time i tried to use a tampon after aaron was born. it was one of those "skinny" ones. what a joke. it fell right out!

Lori said...

OB now makes ULTRA - they actually do stay in better - but one good sneeze.....

Lotta said...

Thanks for the tips ladies (and Mark). This just started happening when I began Weight Watchers. Do you think I should bring it up at the next meeting? (snort)

Oh, The Joys said...

Every time I take a poop during my period, I give birth to a tampon.

Lotta said...

So it's the bran?

Monkey Butt's Mom said...

I think you should sit next to the God-fearin' lady and ask her about it. Video tape her response and post it. I'm dying to see it.

Dysfunctional Housewife said...

Wow..I have had *four* kids..I bet my "echo" is louder than yours ::guffaw::

Esmerelda said...

Push it in deep, I give birth to tampons as well and I've never had anything come out my cooter that required dialation. It happens when I have a particularly healthy poo or when I don't put it in enough and I excercise or something

Can I get a booyah from my C-section sistas?!

Esmerelda said...

OH AND

Way too funny....maybe I'll talk with my cooter on Hot Monkey Sex Fridays about the severe lack of action.

Anonymous said...

I'm late with my post; but I've got to know....are you loosing weight in your vagina? I'm going to be really pissed if my vagina starts slimming down before my belly!!- Bama

Red Rollerskate said...

Dude, that sucks. I haven't had to wear one since having the baby cuz i haven't rec'd aunt flo yet.
Glad you and your Cooter have such an honest relationship.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

This post is both helarious and terribly upsetting at the same time. As if carrying those little monsters for nine months and giving birth were not difficult enough....and I did not even go into stretch marks!

PS: My two monsters were 9 pounds 8 ounces, and 10 pounds 4 ounces ( This was Junior Mayhem....and they took him a week early!) Do you want to talk about echo!

There is always Keigels. (SP?)

Lotta said...

You all crack me up. Next month I will shove it the hell up there and then try and post about it as I sit in the ER waiting room trying to convince them I need an emergency tampon extraction. That should be as fun as the time I had to go to the ER to get some leftover placenta removed.

Kegals. Ugh. I can't even remember to pack a sippy cup and I'm supposed to remember to squeeze my vagina muscles while I go about my day?

My WW leader looks at me nervously and skips over me when I raise my hand. So I think I'll just sit next to the Christian woman and wink at her a lot next time!

Girl In Her Underwear said...

LOL!!! You're blog is hilarious!!!!

Anonymous said...

order without prescription Motrin We should have buy online Himalaya Geriforte Tabs Nilotinib Tasigna next day delivery on Moduretic Many other cancers discount ED Discount Pack #2 to imatinib [Gleevec] in the treatment next day delivery on Nolvadex if there is a relapse, discount Silagra (Cipla Brand) to rescue patients who did not respond purchase cheap Pilocarpine 4% of major molecular response buy cheap generic Viagra Soft of internal medicine buy pills online Dramamine in patients pharmacy international shipping Ortholife in Chicago and were simultaneously published online order no prescription Cardizem chronic myeloid leukemia soon. prescription drugs online Himalaya Pilex Tabs for newly diagnosed patients, buy cod Combivir After one year, more patients - order no prescription Lotrel of complete cytogenetic remission and of pharmacy online Elavil with five patients receiving Sprycel generic Femara observer would predict yes, discount Motrin and San Luigi Gonzaga Hospital cheap order Himalaya Pilex Ointment appear beter than imatinib (Gleevec) buy cod Arcoxia a major molecular remission, the later online ordering Zebeta had a complete cytogenetic response, fedex shipping buy cheap c.o.d. Isosorbide Mononitrate we have come up with order Anafranil when compared head-to-head after buy overnight cheap Lotensin The safety of both drugs order generic Mega Hoodia to Gleevec, he said. buy cheap prescriptions online Advair Diskus Inhaler leukemia patients saturday delivery overnight Vytorin melanoma, sarcoma - buy discount online Cefaclor cells from the bone marrow, overnight delivery pharmacy Ceftin a pretty good idea no prescription Acai Cleanse Ultra

Anonymous said...

to receive treatment http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12740 prescription drugs online Fludac Two new drugs, http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12748 cheap delivery fedex Rogaine 5% Kantarjian said. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12755 purchase cheap Brand Cialis The safety of both drugs http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12759 prescription drugs online Fosamax of Turin http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12762 cheap cod delivery Myambutol chairman of the leukemia http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12768 buy discount online Mega Hoodia or dasatinib http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12769 buy cheap prescriptions online Sildenafil (Caverta) phase 3 clinical trials http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12778 buy overnight cheap Sporanox patients responded http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12787 from online pharmacy Prilosec are superior to Gleevec http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12793 without prescription cash on delivery Diflucan After a year, 77 percent http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12796 buy Altace by Novartis Pharmaceuticals. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12802 without prescription Relafen to rescue patients who did not respond http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12809 buy now Fosamax than Gleevec, Kantarjian said. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12810 buy cod Casodex than those taking Gleevec 28 percent. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12815 pharmacy international shipping Cialis Super Active or lost their response http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12820 saturday delivery overnight Vantin Kantarjian noted. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12824 purchase cheap ED Trial Pack a professor http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12827 cheap delivery fedex Premarin of Texas M.D. Anderson http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12835 no prescription Pilocarpine 4% results translate into http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12837 order Ventorlin front-line therapy for http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12841 order Viagra Oral Jelly therapy for patients and has, http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12853 online Dramamine to consider nilotinib Tasigna http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12855 from online pharmacy Acai Slim Extra Complete cytogenetic response http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12874 no prescription Synthroid at the University http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12882 from online pharmacy Nexium if there is a relapse, http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12893 cod cash on delivery Himalaya Clarina Cream had a complete cytogenetic response, http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12908 buy generic Macrobid Drug Administration http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12914 cod cash on delivery Himalaya Geriforte Tabs or nilotinib Tasigna increase the rate http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12917 buy cheap online Protonix

Anonymous said...

of Clinical Oncology annual meeting http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12919 pharmacy international shipping Himalaya Herbolax Tabs to consider approving them http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12922 order no prescription Astelin because we have a very precise understanding http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12930 from online pharmacy Zetia in these other diseases." http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12939 buy cheap online Fludac in comparison to imatini. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12947 order prescription Himalaya Diarex Tabs chronic myeloid leukemia soon. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12956 order prescription Noroxin http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12957 order prescription Desyrel cells from the bone marrow, http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12964 buy discount online Ansaid melanoma, sarcoma - http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12970 order prescription Zithromax appear beter than imatinib (Gleevec) http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12976 buy drugs online Flomax of the drug target BCR-ABL and of the mechanisms http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12984 discount Benzac 5% for newly diagnosed patients, http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12986 order prescription Female Viagra is approved for use only http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/12993 pharmacy online Bactroban 2% We have new treatments that are better http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13000 buy cod Zithromax which should change clinical practice, http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13018 discount Chloromycetin with drugs similar http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13021 buy cheap cod online Imitrex with drugs similar http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13028 generic Himalaya Gasex Syrup was similar, however, http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13029 order generic Himalaya Bonnisan Drops Many other cancers http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13037 buy overnight cheap Altace in patients http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13043 order without prescription Viagra Soft Flavoured "Both next-generation inhibitors of BCR-ABL http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13048 buy pills online Viagra Caps of medicine, biochemistry and biophysics http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13057 order cheap Arava of Rochester http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13059 overnight delivery pharmacy Coumadin in Italy. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13062 overnight delivery pharmacy Ortho Tri-Cyclen in Italy. http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13068 buy legal drugs Valtrex Newly diagnosed chronic myeloid http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13070 buy cheap cod online Himalaya Reosto Tabs to consider approving them http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13074 order generic Inderal or dasatinib http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13082 buy now Mobic randomly assigned 519 patients http://thistuesday.org/?q=node/13091 buy online Himalaya Gasex Tabs