Blue Tuesday

I need Lysol to create a bomb for my house. Maybe I could duct tape the sprayer down and run out the front door. The mushroom clouds of disinfectant might kill whatever killer germs are partying in our home. Cause It's starting to feel like everyone has been sick more often than not this past month. Daughter just finished a course of antibiotics and promptly got a super high, dunk her in the bathtub at 3am fever. And son woke up with the same thing this morning. Poor punk'ins.

Quite honestly, the sheer need of this household is overwhelming me. For the first time in my life I can say that my lap is not big enough. The largess that is me, is overwhelmed with the bodies of 2 sick, squirmy kids that don't want to be put down but don't want to be held either. And I want my privates back. Every two minutes
someone is nuzzling into my boob, or jamming a toe into my crotch. I haven't had sex in so long because I can't bear to be touched by the time husband gets home. And I'm pretty sure he's turned off by my less than impressive hygiene habits. Being a human snot rag doesn't really get anyone horny.

And for someone prone to the blues, holing up at home with two crying kids tends to bring out the worst of theories. Right now I'm convinced that I'm losing the close friendship I have with Carol. When Carol and I both had young squirmy ones we would get together several times a week. The plan being if we were going to be slowly driven insane, we might as well be in good company as it happened.

Since her daughter has gone into kindergarten her life has settled down. Her youngest naps while the oldest is away at school so she has an entire afternoon to regain her sanity. I'm finding myself evily upset by this. I think I might want her crazy again. Cause when she was loopy too we commiserated about our days.
We used to mutually bitch about having to chisel snot off the minivan seats, then make each other laugh and get off the phone feeling like we weren't a couple of Cruella's - just maxed out moms.

Now when I call and complain that son won't stop whining she lovingly gives a sympathetic "ooooh, that sucks." and helpful advice. But I'm waiting for the part where she adds, "Oh My Gosh, I know! My daughter is driving me crazy!" and it doesn't come. Truly, I don't want her on the edge again. But I do wish she could remember what it was like. Maybe an, "Oh Christ I'm glad I'm not you anymore." Cause I'm feeling like selective memory is overtaking our relationship. I'm starting to become the whiny friend, as she forgets what her life was like with a couple of wee ones at home. I know this selective memory disease will overtake us all at some point. Otherwise, how could we be proper mother in laws talking about how "our" children never (insert what your kids did all the time here).

No doubt this entire scenario with Carol exists in my head and I just need to take a vacation, go drinking with the girls and up my dosage. Maybe buy a UV lamp to sit under while the kids nap and winter passes. Maybe I AM the whiny friend. Good Lord. I'm going to take a shot of Nyquil and watch Toy Story with the kids again.


14 comments:

Deanna (domestic chicky) said...

Aw...poor mama...we had this bug, his various cousins and other assorted kinfolk at our house from halloween to just after New Years...It DOES end eventually. Meanwhile, indulge in the wonder that is Nyquil (chill it-it tastes better)...

Mamma said...

Oh I am so with you!!!

And some days it feels like a big downward spiral sucking you in!!

But we do have to forget all of it don't we? Especially me with three boys...how am I going to be a "successful" MIL to all those young women to torment if I forget?!

I wish I could come over and give you a hug and then turn on some 80's music and drink beers while the kids goobered on their dads!!!

Mamma said...

I meant to say if I don't forget.

See my brain is getting sucked away......

Oh, The Joys said...

Lotta,
IT SUCKS SO FUCKING MUCH!!!

How's that?

I am still here, still going nuts if it is any consolation.

xo,
OTJ

Sandy. said...

A bit behind the times, I just linked to your friend disclaimer contract and have to say that is brilliant.

But really, the baby vacuum story paints a real pretty picture. Holy crap, I about peed myself. You got yourself a catch in someone who sticks around after that.

As for commiserating, I'm with ya babe. I do have to admit though, my two youngest are in kindergarten and I treasure those sacred couple hours of peace every morning. On the first day of school, moms were everywhere on the playground - crying, hugging, snapping pictures. Me? I was standing there with a big dorky grin on my face. Hallelujah! It was euphoria. I did the happy dance all the way back to my car, while other moms shuffled along and held wadded clumps of kleenex.

While being a mom is grand, we all need a break, don't we? Or at least someone to commiserate with.

In cyber commiseration,
Sandy.

Mrs. Chicken said...

Yes, I'm starting to think that weaning off the antidepressants at the beginning of a loooooooong winter was a very, very bad idea.

Hang in.

pheeliques said...

this month is awful for getting sick, esp. for the little ones. hang in there--take a breath, put the kids down and tell them to STAY, and go in the kitchen and do a head waggin, butt shakin, silent primal scream. shake, jitter and drool for about one minute, then stand up, wipe your hand across your nose and mouth, have a drink of water/juice, raise your chin, flip your hair back, and stride back into the living room, singing "mommy's here!" try not to sound too much like jack nicholson in the shining. i know you want to run down the street screaming and leave the door open. but you can do this. just take it one booger at a time.

Heather said...

Oh, I hope everyone is feeling better soon! I don't know if its because I work that my 3 y.o. can't be more than 3 ft. from me at any time. On top of that add her Kindergarten sister who has literally fallen over a time or two because she was leaning on me so heavily at the dinner table. I never, ever imagined wanting so much to be alone, with no one touching me!

Lotta said...

Thanks so much you all.

Oh - Fuck Yea!

And Heather - they pretty much would crawl back up into my womb and I'm home with them most of the time!

Angelina said...

Oh holy hell. What can I say but that you are a stronger woman than me. I have only one child and I feel EXACTLY the same as you often and often.

I even know what you mean about not wanting to be touched at the end of the day. I can't even imagine two of them grabbing at me, grappling with me, giving me fat lips, poking, prodding, and mauling me. I had to establish a space bubble around me when my husband would come home. I would say "Honey, there is nothing I want more than to sit here with you and hang out now that the cub is asleep. But this chair is my bubble and if you reach into it I will probably have to kill you." Hard to have sex when you feel all touched out already.

My kid goes to school and I STILL feel crazed and have plenty to complain about.

The good news is that they will both get over their awful cold/flus pretty soon and at least that will make things easier.

sillychick said...

uh, yeah, as the only mom in the kindergarten class with a newborn at home, it sucked ass! While they were all getting together for beers and having a grand ole time, I would wander back to my house by 9 because I knew what I had in store for me that night.
Yes, I feel your pain

nikki said...

ooofff, i feel your pain sister. mine involves a two year old with an asthma attack that won't go away. now he's on a massive steroid burst. 2 year olds + prednisone = mommy doing shots of vodka.

yerdoingitwrong said...

Love love love love LOVE the drunk story!

Paige said...

Call me. Anytime. For real. We'll do the kind of talking you need...all the while having a virtual cocktail.