Urine and manhose

Over at Neatorama (one of my favorite places to visit) they found that Gerbe, one of the French's leading hosiery makers, is now making a line of pantyhose for men.

I'm pretty sure husband has been wearing these under his pants every day this winter. Except he's been telling me they are silk long johns from REI. I am so gonna hand him a bottle of clear nail polish and tell him he has a run in his stockings tomorrow when he gets dressed.

And if you think me unkind, realize that this is payback for Friday night. I slaved over a crock pot all morning making a rump roast with a super special onion soup mix gravy. Husband walked in the door that evening and announced, "Oh my God the house smells like a urinal. Seriously, like a big stinky public bathroom urinal!" and starts flinging windows open. Bon freaking appetite Lou! (Lou is our secret pet name for each other, short for Loser with a big finger shaped L on your forehead. We toss it around with malice and affection, the stuff good marriages are made of.)

16 comments:

karrie said...

Oh my!

I hope he then ordered in or took you out for dinner.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I knew my husband looked different in his jeans this winter...He said they were long johns...I knew it. I just knew it.

Oh, The Joys said...

He and his man hose are sleeping on the couch!

Jenny said...

Eek.

Sweetie, I would always eat your urinal soup.

Samantha said...

I would have told my hubby that if he thought my food smelled like a urinal, then he could go sleep in one tonight to see what it really smelled like, and he could eat THAT!

nikki said...

roast with a side of urinal cake! yummm! seriously, did you kick him in the ass for that one? or at least make him cook dinner the next day? so you could tell him it smelled like a septic tank gone bad? ahhhhh, got to love being mature!

Dysd. Housewife said...

Mister Hubster used to come home every now and then and say "The house smells like cat crap." WHAT?! So I ran around *freshening* everything while trying to figure out where the stink was. (even though I could smell nothing) I then confirmed with several visitors and my children that indeed there was NO SUCH SMELL. It has consequently become a joke regarding his sanity. Now, whenever he says "do you smell something?" We all yell in unison: "I KNOW! IT'S CAT CRAP!"

Julie Pippert said...

Man hose. Oh LOLOLOLOLOL

Payback can be a hmm really stinky urinal sometimes LOL.

Thailand Gal said...

LOL!! Oh, that is funny! The spontaneous remarks made by men are often rather ... amusing.


Peace,

~Chani

mommiebear2 said...

After a trip to a casino once and he and I having a little too much to drink, we got into a little spiff. We started name calling, and well now it is one of our favorite "pet" names for eachother. He is Dick and I am Bitch, said lovingly of course and not around the children.

Paige said...

If you send me your mailing address, I will send you a carton of clear nail polish to harrass him into a suitable degree of submission.

A urinal...hmph.

Angelina said...

Feed him spam for a week. With a side of jello tuna salad with little cheerful maraschino cherries dotting it.

Anonymous said...

Funny, I made rump roast last night and when hubby came in he asked if I'd made spaghetti. Odd....

I'm late looking at your blog from Sun. I too LOVE Coal Miner's Daughter; and can recite most of the dialog.

Update: weighed today and it's 10 pounds gone. Will weigh again in 4 weeks(gotta go to a wedding).

So in closing...put the backdrop back on the bed baby.
Bama.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I certainly would NOT take that from a man wearing hose! Are they control top? (hee-hee)

Lotta said...

Karrie - No, but he did choke down the urine meat.

Janet - check your undie drawer!

Oh - Sadly he would love that, my coughing has been keeping him awake for the past 2 weeks.

Jenny - Thanks baby.

Sam/Nikki - No, but you made me realize that next time I go out for a night with the ladies I'm gonna stick a pee pee diaper in the crockpot and turn it on right before I leave.

Dys - Clearly he was having a stroke. Next time ask him if he smells burnt toast too.

Julie/Thailand - They do amuse!

Mommie - We often start foreplay with phrases like, "Show me what you got motherfker!".

Paige/Angelina - revenge is sweet. Right now I'm thinking I'll go with the diaper in the crockpot plan.

Anon - Most excellent with the weight loss!

Queen - I wish! I'm pretty sure outweigh him by about 50 pounds!

mark said...

Manhose - SO wrong. Your hubby's silk long underwear... I guess that's your call. Some of them look like long underwear, but others might be mistaken for manhose. Even as cold as it is here (-11ºF this morning) I still haven't broken out the long underwear. The downside, I don't have any feeling in 3/4 of my body anymore.