3 Reasons I'm a Granny

1. I told my friend Carol that I booked an appointment with my old hairdresser. Not "stylist" but "hairdresser". Carol wanted to know if I was going to be getting a blue rinse at the (quote hands) "hairdresser". And why did I book an appointment at this expensive salon? Cause I had COUPON thank you very much.

2. When my sister Tela said that she wanted to go to an Indian restaurant in the city for her birthday tonight my first response was, "The city! Well I hope there's parking!". My next thought was, "Well I better not wear that jacket I just got from the dry cleaners cause Lord knows it will get all smelly from that Indian cooking!". Then to make things worse, when I packed her gift into a pretty floral gift bag I threw in a couple of packets of coffee. No, we don't drink coffee, but I swiped them from the waterpark hotel room anyways. Cause they were "by that Wolfgang guy, the fancy chef" and so I figured someone would want them.

3. I own a pill splitter. Worse yet, I deliberated with the pharmacist over which pill splitter would do the job the best before I bought it.

I'm sure there's more, but my addled and feeble brain can't think of them right now.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK, reason #1 doesn't make you a granny. Southern, yes. Heck, my husband still says "creme rinse" instead of conditioner.

I started getting nervous with #2; although you were very thoughtful to include the coffee.

And by #3....well, damn. Yep, you have got "granny tendencies" . Pill spliter = granny
Asking the pharmacist to do it for you= ideal for the under 70 market.

Thanks for the laugh-Bama

Heather said...

So, do you have granny panties to go with your granny tendencies???

yerdoingitwrong said...

I am right with ya on #1. I say hairdresser. And I'm half there on #2. I think I'm partial granny. =)

PamKittyMorning said...

I caught myself saying 'beauty parlour' today. TODAY.

Pass the Geritol.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I go to the beauty parlor too...
I do wear granny panties on those extra special days...And and...AND...I get pissed off at the 'kids today' in their crazy outfits and riding dangerously on the sidewalk with those skateboard thingies.

I AM A GRANNY!

Paige said...

I'm not calling you a granny until you call hairspray (which is probably called something else these days for all I know) "spray net."

Mamma said...

Wait! How did we get lost? First we were on the highway to MILF-dom and all of the sudden it's turned into Granny Freeway?

I say Granny is the new black!

Oh, The Joys said...

I earn the granny name in only one try:

GRANNY PANTY.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I just realized I am addicted to crossword puzzles. My 80 year old granny is addicted to crossword puzzles.....I think we are all getting there, sister! :)

sognatrice said...

I say "hairdresser" too; stylist just sounds too pretentious to me.

Yeah, I'm sticking with that.

Jenny said...

Do you use the pill splitter to half your geritol since a whole one makes you irregular or do you use it to crush your albino otter so you can snort it?

Because that makes kind of a difference in an "Am I a granny or not" sort of way.

Also, what kind of panties are you wearing?

Katrina said...

Ummm...I say hairdresser...I take hotel coffee and I own a pill splitter which I use every other day.

And yes, granny panties have been known to grace my behind.

I am only 32...I swear!

nikki said...

i refuse to admit do doing any of the above mentioned......except for the stealing the coffee thing. everyone does that.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's official intil you start carrying a half used tissue in the sleeve of your cardigan sweater. Caron

Julie Pippert said...

Dude! LOTTA!

You just made me spew my Fuze all over the keyboard.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now...I go to a hairdresser. I mean, she'd be Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias if she wasn't so Jersey.

And I think the same thing about going to the city. I have been known to gripe about the lack of public transportation every time anyone says City and move on to griping about paying too much for parking. I choose clothing with care since (a) there's all that grime and (b) smells. I also often shower upon coming home since I prefer the sweet scent of Pantene over the smell of smoke and car exhaust.

I'm sure I could add on to it too. But I'll spare you.

I will say, though, that I do not have a pill splitter, although I do have a mortar and pestle. All the better to crush up the allergy tablets for...well, 'nuff said and just kidding!

Leeanthro said...

I just said "hairdresser" about 15 minutes ago!!

My husband came in the room when I was looking at your blog yesterday and asked about being a granny. Then when I closed down the window, he asked what that symbol was on the bottom of the screen? "Isn't that the mud flap woman?" I said, that why yes, it is! That's what we are aspiring to.

Then I showed him the feministing symbol (check it out):
http://www.feministing.com/

Lotta said...

You all crack me up! Seriously! Jenny - I think I farted you made me laugh so hard. Either that or I had too much Metamucil.

Katie J said...

Next you'll be wearin' glasses on a chain and eating dinner at 4pm!

Hee hee hee, I can sooo be a granny too!

Andrea said...

Dude, I totally relate...
I need to have a post "3 reasons it is obvious I work with small children. (1) While getting adjusted by my chiropractor, he found a T. Rex sticker stuck to my ankle. No idea how it got there."

Andrea said...

P.S. I never say "stylist" either. I thought only rich people said that.