Enidd wanted us to write a day in our lives for Fun Monday. I picked a super ordinary day in the life so I won't be offended if you want to skip ahead and read about Apples and Feces.
3:30 AM - Wake up to the sound of daughter crying. Try to fake being asleep till husband nudges me. Get up to put pacifier in her mouth. Go back to bed.
5:45 AM - Wake up because son has crawled into bed with us while we slept and is doing ninja circles in his sleep. Beg husband to move son over to his side of the bed. Poke husband in the butt crack until he flips son over to his side of the bed while mumbling curses at me.
7:45 AM - Wake up to son's cold toes digging down the back of my pajama pants to get warm. Yell, "What the heck dude?!" Son cries, I comfort him and we fall back asleep together.
8:07 AM - Husband walks in the bedroom to inform me that he's off to work and the kids are now mine. Cry a little inside. Plunk the kids in front of the TV to watch Curious George and Clifford while I eat breakfast and get dressed.
8:30 AM - Do dishes, make beds, tidy house while kids play.
8:55 AM - Haul ass to preschool. Try to keep daughter awake during the next two hours so that she doesn't fall asleep right when it's time to pick up son at school. Buy random crap at Target.
11:00 AM - Pick up son from preschool, fend off demands that I produced a juice box NOW. Laugh to myself as I imagine him as a minature James Brown demanding to be fanned on his way off the stage. Get strange looks from other preschool mothers.
11:30 AM - Feed kids hot dogs for lunch. Cut them up real small and tell son to come get me if daughter chokes. Go blog.
11:55 AM - Call Carol, forgetting that she is trying to get her daughter on to the afternoon kindergarten bus. Kvetch. Work on the computer. Blog. Clean.
2:00 PM - Go to Lifetime Fitness. Check the kids in. Work out for 30 minutes. Spend another hour sloooowly getting ready and reading US in the gym's cafe.
3:45 PM - Go to a park, the store, it doesn't matter - I'm burning daylight at this point till husband comes home.
5:15 PM - Snacks, playing, cleaning the house. Again. Remake beds that son unmade playing pirate ship. Start dinner.
6:30 PM - Eat dinner.
7:00 PM - Turn kids over to husband and blog, watch TV and read. He puts daughter to bed.
8:30 PM - Read son a story, feed his fish, put him to bed.
8:35, 8:40 & 8:45 PM - Put son to bed. Eventually threaten to cancel all future visits to grandparents if he doesn't go to sleep.
9:00 PM - Pick up house, again. Plan day, read and watch TV and talk with husband.
9:45 PM - Sex if I managed to shower, otherwise random puttering.
10:15 PM - Watch the King of Queens, read during commercials. Or sneak downstairs and blog.
11:30 PM - Check the kids, feel guilty about feeding them hot dogs for the fourth lunch in a row. Curl up to husband. Kiss him. Pray. Sleep.