The Guilting Hour

The Guilting Hour: The hour after everyone in the household is sleeping angelically and you are awake beating yourself with a virtual hose for all the things you did wrong that day.

Guilt: Oh, remember how your sweet son laid next to you for almost 30 minutes this morning waiting for you to wake up so he could tell you he loved you? And then remember how you snapped loudly at him later that afternoon for leaving his yogurt where the dog could get it?

Guilt: What a darling, just think how sweet it was when she nuzzled your neck as you carried her to her crib for naptime. Then remember how when you were making dinner you said NO! to her so loudly that she started to cry?

Guilt: Gosh, 7 years of marriage and he's still in love with you, wasn't it sweet how he did all the dishes and kept the kids away so you could sleep in this morning? Then remember how you called him at work shrieking like a mad fishwife at him for putting in so much overtime?

Guilt: The people you have met online are pretty amazing, isn't it great how they leave such awesome comments for you all the time? Do you recall how you've posted about your odd pro-choice stance a couple of times? Bet that felt great for all the readers who've lost babies to read when they came here for a laugh.

Me: (Pulling the covers over my head) GAH!

16 comments:

sillychick said...

Yes, I've had those nights...ones where I cry and tell myself that I am THE most horrible mom/wife in the world.

I always say that we the ones we love the most are the ones we hurt the most easily. It's just so easy to get overwhelmed at times, though.

You didn't mean to be nasty. They still love you.

Ty said...

I totally relate. I always lay in bed at night and go over every single thing I did wrong.

Katrina said...

Heh, guilt is rampant today, apparently. My post was also about guilt.

As for you pro-choice stance, I thought it was very thoughtfully written. Don't feel guilt for it. Memories of lost babies will always haunt, no matter what.

Angelina said...

Wash yourself free of guilt lady! Nothing you've mentioned is really worth feeling bad about for more than a minute (or ever, with regards to your pro-choice stance).

Your kids will love you even if you are sharp with them sometimes when they haven't even done anything. Just like they'll lash out at you when things frustrate them that aren't your fault and you still love them.

nikki said...

ooooffff, i've done the yell-so-loud-they-cry bit. and then i try to find a rock big enough for my fat ass to fit under.

Lotta said...

Thanks guys! Washing away my guilt right now. I appreciated the comment, "Just like they'll lash out at you when things frustrate them that aren't your fault and you still love them." it put it into perspective.

Anonymous said...

I have lost 6 babies over the years, for various reasons, and I LOVED your post on Mizuko Jizo. I had run across Peggy Orenstein's site before and wished that we had something similar in the US. I am even currently pregnant and STILL loved your post. So that's one item off the guilt list. Man that yelling at kid guilt is the worst - isn't it?

Little Monkies said...

I'm with Angelina...what a healing thing to say. You know that I struggle with this too, Lotta. Be kind to yourself.

But one other thing. This blog is *your* blog, not a humor column. If you want to write about being pro-choice, write about it. People read you because you are insightful, funny, thoughtful, kind and a kick in the pants. But it's your blog. Bring us into what comes into your mind. You helped a lot of people with that post. More than you know.

P.S. Hubby is cute. Get to studyin'!

lucille said...

Aagh! Yes. We so want to be all loving and always patient and say the right, soul -nourishing things, and then in a split second - you've hurt the one you love. They'll get even, though, in their tween/teen years.

Nikki said...

I lost a baby on New Year's Eve (after which I began my now-defunct search for my inner MILF), and the feelings of pain had recently resurfaced. Your post on miscarriages, etc. was quite helpful to read and I appreciate what you wrote about.

I find so much strength from reading your blog because it makes me feel so NOT alone for feeling the way I feel about so many things. This post about guilt (my GOD! Someone else goes through all this, too????) was excellent.

I censor myself in my blog. I am glad that you don't. You say so much of what I wish I had the guts to say.

Oh, The Joys said...

Go easy on yourself, 24/7 is a lot of hours on the job, friend.

(((you)))

Mamma said...

Man! Now I understand why you want hubby home! He's a cutie from Cuteville.

No guilt babe. Though I know what you mean about the choice thing...but choice is about something bigger. It's not like being pro-choice means that we don't want babies to born. We love babies--especially when they're nuzzling our neck.

Peta said...

Guilt is part of being a mum, I think.
I screamed at my daughter yesterday when she was just trying to help me. I felt awful!
By the way, your husband is hot!

Lotta said...

Guilt does seem to go hand in hand with being a mom!

Lotta said...

PS - Yes, I think my husband is the hotness too!

Mama Drama Jenny said...

Guilt is for war criminals. Let it go, chaquita.

Ps. Your hubby is a fox.