Plus Sized Swimsuit Shopping

At JCPenney

Me: Hi! Can you tell me where your swimsuits are?

Salesclerk: (Pointing to rows and rows of tasteful, cute swimsuits.)

Me: Riiiight. I'm a plus sized.

Salesclerk: Oh, my apologies. Right over there then. (Pointing to one lone rack with 2 size 18W suits with loud hibiscus flowers hanging from it.)

Me: Thanks then!

At Target

Husband: What's wrong with this suit?

Me: Nothing if you don't mind zero titty support.

Husband: I don't mind.

Me: Puh-lease, my knockers would be slamming into the person next to me if I took a swift right pivot.

At Lands End Outlet

Me: Wow a cute bottom! Size 22W! Fantastic! And the top, so simple, so supportive! This rocks!

Girlfriend: Fantastic, buy it now!

Me: (Looking at price tag) You don't think the kids would mind that I spent the grocery money this week do you? I mean all they really want is peanut butter anyways.

Girlfriend: Sure, just make them suck on a lime now and again so they don't get rickets.

18 comments:

Angelina said...

I just pretend I hate to swim anyway.

Swimsuits are the worst kind of depressing when you're plus sized. I think the most depressing thing is that there are, like at Land's End, swimsuits that are attractive on larger figures, but only if you have lots of money to burn.

I'm just going to pretend there are no swimming pools in McMinnville. But my kid won't let me get away with that for long.

A.J.Reams said...

OMG, this is funny! I hate swimsuit season. It's really bad for my self esteem.

Hmm, that reminds me, I guess I should start doing sit-ups again!

mommiebear2 said...

This was p e r f e c t! I refuse to wear a swimsut - I just dont get in the water and wear shorts and t-shirts.

Paige said...

Why can't you live in Atlanta? These anecdotes make me want to go shopping with you.

Mamma said...

Swimsuits!!!! YIKES!!!!!!

Why does such a small piece of cloth cost so much???!!!

PamKittyMorning said...

Hey isn't swimming what dads are for?

jakelliesmom said...

So. Did you buy it?

Wendy said...

I bit the bullet, last year and got a good bathing suit. And yes, it costed a bit.

I must have been in the store for hours, because the hubs and kids were getting restless. The result: the girls are supported, the waist is a little slimmer and I like the swimsuit.

Although, since having kids I have had a big screw you if you dont like the way I look in a swimsuit. I am out to have fun, damnit if you are going to ruin it for me. And no, I am not a size 2. Hell, not even a size 6.

Rhonda said...

LOL

Limes prevent scurvy too. Just in case you were planning to take a long voyage in that new swimsuit.

Lotta said...

Jake - Nope. I wanted to check out the website for some other styles first. And I actually hired a sitter for 3 hours today so I'm going to make use of the time to check out a few more stores. If I still don't find anything I'll fork over the hundy for the Lands End suit. I'll post a picture of whatever I get though!

The rest - Thanks! I do love to swim. But I'll feel better when I have a little Lycra around me. My suit right now is so stretched out and icky.

Jen said...

Yes - can anyone explain why plus sized bathing suits are made out of the most hideous prints in the world...like us fat bottom girls want to be a walking sign...one that says "Look at me I have no taste and my ass is large"

You always see the loud bright flower prints on plus sized bathing suits...what happened to the simple black or navy blue suits...

and why - oh for the love of butter why do they make plus plus sized bikini's - I am not talking about the tanktop and bottom type two piece - I am talking about the low rise bikini style two piece in size 24W - I know they must make them somewhere because I have seen more than my fair share of big gals in them at the water park at Kings Dominion...If I wanted to stare at exposed flab I would get naked in front of a mirror...muffin tops should be packed away...even during the summer....

sillychick said...

Back in my skinny days (yes, a looong time ago) I had the body to actually sport a two piece. The problem was that I had/have huge knockers so I'd find a top that fit only to have the bottom sag so bad that it looked like I was carrying a load.

Ah, memories. What I'd give to have the particular problem nowadays.

jakelliesmom said...

The nerve of these swimsuit manufacturers charging an arm and a leg for something that DOESN'T COVER YOUR ARMS OR LEGS! And at the outlet, no less. Shame on them.

(But, you know, if it's cute, and makes you feel good, it's probably worth it.)

yerdoingitwrong said...

OMG...you crack me up.

Kris said...

UGG it is THAT time of year again, isn't it. I have one suit from last year that I'll use again, but I am SOOOO not looking forward to trying something new.

nancy said...

Oh my god, I have found my ladies!!!! No Lie. I just googled "swimsuits for fat bottoms" and found you guys!

Just had a baby last June and trying to hide the belly, butt, hips.....Is there such a thing as a Swim Tarp?

Lotta said...

I can't believe someone found me via google and didn't type something like "dirty moms naked"!

Swim tarp is funny!

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