Woulda Shoulda Coulda

Overheard at the Morton Arborteum's Children Garden
Mom A: (Exiting bathroom) I NEVER changed my children in public bathrooms in all their years. It's just so dirty!

Mom B: I know! I mean, in the car! Am I right? Change them in the car, it's not that hard!
I heard this little ditty minutes after daughter's leg fell through one of the rope bridges. You know how playground equipment is set up so that when you are spotting your children you sometimes need to run a full circle around the equipment to catch up with them when they move on to a new area? That's what I did.

But I was a beat too late and she started to step on a bridge that was too old for her. At least 3 moms (who were standing right by the entrance to the rope bridge) saw me hauling ass to catch up with her and then shot me shaming looks for failing to adequately watch over my child. I wanted to say, "Could you not have grabbed her? Before or after the fall? Were ya too busy judg'n to help out a 2 year old?"


So by the time I got to the bathroom divas I was more than ready to give them a talking to. In my mind I rehearsed saying, "Ya know, motherhood is very difficult. We all need to support each other and not cast judgement." I swear, my mouth was opening to say those very words when son came up to me to ask me to watch him climb the tree house. I held back because I didn't want to make a scene in front of my kids.

But if you see a woman with chocolate smudges on her shirt, and a crazy angled bob yelling how it "takes a village!" when you visit the Brookfield Zoo next week. That would be me.

19 comments:

Angelina said...

Stupid-ass judging moms.

How's that for a really intelligent comment? Aren't you impressed with my maturity?

I wouldn't have shot you looks because I would have been too busy racing in the opposite direction to keep up with my own kid.

PamKittyMorning said...

Haters. Who needs 'em.

Ty said...

I agree with pamkitty-just a bunch of haters.

Elizabeth said...

Oh PLEASE TELL ME people don't act that way in Brookfield!! I visited my grandparents there every single summer when I was little. If I could buy up their old house on Cleveland Ave I would. (I THINK I would--haven't been there in ages)...yeah, blah blah, but at least I can say I SO would have grabbed your kid for you and just prayed you wouldn't yell at me for touching your child--which sadly would have probably happened where I live...

Lotta said...

Hater, yes. And they don't have a clue how much power their words/looks have on the worn out moms around them. I think it's born out of fear. Some cultures believe if you praise your child too much the Gods will take him or her away. Maybe we think that if we don't act as though we are beyond redemption as mother's we'll actually feel how freaking scared we are for their health, safety and mind every minute of our lives!

Elizabeth - I love Brookfield! It actually happened in Glen Ellyn. But really - the judgy mom thing is everywhere man.

Oh, The Joys said...

You would have loved me yesterday - I told everybody else's children at the playground how to act and who had time out and what was what.

But that was because their punk ass parents were sitting in their CARS IN THE PARKING LOT and their children were hitting each other with STICKS!

Vali said...

Teeheehee. Go Lotta! And you're so right about judgemental moms- lots of standing around pointing fingers, zero helpfulness...

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I'm with OTJ! You know that I must be a teacher because I have the uncontrollable urge to correct other people's children!

I have grabbed ( from falling) and picked up many an injured child I do not know in my day. This includes a little girl who I thought was lost in the mall ( she was sobbing hysterically). Come to find out, her mom was just proving a point and walking ahead of her. (Imagine the "Well, I'm leaving...BYE!" treatment) That was actually a little embarassing! :)

I hate judgemental mommies....maybe it is because I am usually the one they are judging!

QueenieBadd said...

Dude-I am SO in your village! I had the same experience as OTJ last week at the playground. And I ALWAYS reach out to help a falling child (no matter whose child it is) at the playground-I would have so had your back.

And yes, not only have I changed my child in public restrooms-I've done it on the floor. So there. I mean, really, what is hand sanitizer for, if not for that?

Mamma said...

Oh I so totally have your back!!

Jenny said...

I lost Hailey on one of those palygrounds once. It was opaque (what the hell?!) and so I couldn't see where she was and I was circling and couldn't find her and FREAKED OUT. She was hiding inside of it. Thought I would die.

I'm not sure what this has to do with your post except that I've totally changed Hailey in a public bathroom before, so there.

Anonymous said...

I'm a first time mom (on the job for 4 mos and 3 weeks now) and all I seem to get are judgements. Either it's my husband's "perfect" aunt, his grandmother, his aunt who has no children of her own, his mother or it's all the other mothers out there who seem to know so much better and love to show me with their eye-rolling, or smart-a$$ed comments that they try to act like they are saying under their breaths but are loud enough so they know I can hear. I've had ENOUGH of it all... Guess what? I'm tired... sure he sleeps at night now, but I still wake up at 2am., 3am. and 4 am. to check on him and out of habit for the last 4 months. Not to mention that I work outside of the home also, in another full-time job. Thankfully I'm paid cash for that one (although I love being paid for my full time in-home job with smiles and the hint that my son is starting to recognize me as someone important to him). I'm stressed, too. Its stressful being a mommy and I've only been at it for a few months so cut me some slack alright? I'm learning as I go and when I make a mistake I try not to repeat it. The looks and comments DO hurt and its not as though I don't beat myself up daily for what I feel I don't do well enough already. Why can't women/mothers be so much more supportive of eachother??
Whew! That felt sooo good to vent.
Alicia

Mary Fran said...

I found your website via yer doing it wrong. Where do you live? I see that you were visiting Morton Arboretum and then talked about Brookfield Zoo. I grew up in Broadview and now live in Wheaton. Oh Yeah and I want to be MILF

Lotta said...

Anon - I can tell you that there is a silent and supportive majority. We've been there and feel your pain sistah. I remember women who would talk directly to my babies. "Didn't you tell mommy to put a coat on you!". I so wanted to say, "Can you tell this stranger to piss off?"

MaryFran - Brookfield, IL!

Katie J said...

Amen, sista! Maybe we should kick their assk! (Sorry, I'm still laughing from that video of the girl who's gonna kick some monster "assk".)

Lotta said...

Katie - It's not even funny how many times I've played that video.

Angelina said...

I've had people talk like that to Max too "Even though your mommy is swigging beer over on the bench, I'm sure she plays with you lots, huh slugger?"* It's such an idiotic thing to do.

Don't worry Alicia, you'll learn to tell everyone off soon and then they'll all keep their opinions to themselves. Mostly. don't beat yourself up too much.




*Not an actual quote. But you get the idea.

AJsMom said...

Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. And yes, I have changed my son on the floor of a public restroom stall in places that are too stupid to put in a changing table. I (thanks to the daycare) have learned to change him while standing up! People need to look in the mirror before they start mouthing off about people they don't even know.

Maria said...

I agree with when they gotta go, they gotta go. There was a time, we were caught in traffic, my niece had to go so bad. There were no restrooms in sight and my sister did not want her to pee outside where anyone could see her. So, we removed everything from the cooler and had her pee there. That cooler will never look the same to me ever again. :)