Hot Sexy Atkins Talk

Husband walks into the room.

Me: Hey, wanna make out? I just ate BBQ pork rinds!

Husband: Is that what that smell is? God it smells like ass in here (waving hand in front of face).

Me: Does it? (popping another pork rind in my mouth) I guess I'll be thin and smell like ass.

Husband: That your plan?

Me: I'm sticking to it.


45 minutes later...both of us on the couch


Me: (Looking up from Atkins book) Hey, I'm trying to figure out your BMI (Body Mass Index) - how many inches are you?

Husband: (Looking down) 18 inches of man baby.

Me: Snortlaugh. No! I need to know how tall you are. How many inches are you?

Husband: Erect?

Both: (Uncontrollable giggles)

Husband: My God, sit over there your breath smells like ass!

14 comments:

Judi said...

Cool on the Adkins........ I'm drinking a stinkin Pepsi while typing this. I'm getting groceries today....... maybe I'll get me some hot BBQ pork skins myself....... as long as I don't think of them as skin I'll be okay! I hope you have a good loss on Friday..... keep it up and stay away from the sugar! YOu can do it, you can do it, you can, you can!

Karly said...

Pork rinds. EW! I was doing Atkins myself a few months ago and was craving meat loaf. I made the meat loaf with pork rinds. It was NOT good. Just sayin'.

mommiebear2 said...

LOL! I swear this sounds like conversations from my house. Hubby always tells me my breath smells like ass when I eat the Limon' flavored CornNuts - mmmmmmm. A very good friend of mine's mother I guess was on the Atkins diet because for a while all I saw her eating was salad, porkrinds, cheese, and more salad. But dude, she lost like a whole person!

Oh, The Joys said...

You should write a romace novel!

Lotta said...

Judi - Thanks for the encouragement, it really helps!

Karly - There are all sorts of pork rind recipes out there. Pork Rind French Toast. No thanks, I'll keep eating mine straight up.

MB - Emailed you!

OTJ - Then I would have to disclose our secret love!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Okay, why is it so funny to breathe stinky breath on unsuspecting spouses? I am dying laughing at this post because this could be a conversation at our house!

PS: I also enjoy torturing my daughter with stinky breath! :)

Little Monkies said...

Porkrinds? Holy Jesus.

Angelina said...

You guys have the best conversations!

I have yet to meet a vegetarian who has found a way to go on the atkins diet. I mean, does one just eat huge hunks of cheese all day? Because if the answer is yes, then I'm starting on it today!!!

(However, seeing as I generally already do eat huge hunks of cheese all day, I'm guessing I will not fare well on this one.)

Lotta said...

Lilmonkies - Can you handle the inner trailer trash girl that lives in Lotta?

Angelina - My sister did it and she is a veggie. She ate lots of eggs. And fish, she will eat fish.

Mamma said...

oh the pork rinds. and you have to get the BBQ kind because the others? Just gross.

Kelly said...

Only a conversation a married couple could have...lol!

Little Monkies said...

Girlfriend, I grew up in a town of 1,200 people in the middle of Oklahoma where glass jars of pickled eggs and pickled pig's feet were in every gas station. I eat Velveeta with rotel every chance I get. I've eaten my fair share of pork rinds, but I've never seen them as a weight loss food. ;)

Lotta said...

Lil Monk - I knew I loved you.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

WAIT! Is there something wrong with Velveeta? If loving processed cheese food is wrong...I don't want to be right! :)