Husband walks into the room.
Me: Hey, wanna make out? I just ate BBQ pork rinds!
Husband: Is that what that smell is? God it smells like ass in here (waving hand in front of face).
Me: Does it? (popping another pork rind in my mouth) I guess I'll be thin and smell like ass.
Husband: That your plan?
Me: I'm sticking to it.
45 minutes later...both of us on the couch
Me: (Looking up from Atkins book) Hey, I'm trying to figure out your BMI (Body Mass Index) - how many inches are you?
Husband: (Looking down) 18 inches of man baby.
Me: Snortlaugh. No! I need to know how tall you are. How many inches are you?
Both: (Uncontrollable giggles)
Husband: My God, sit over there your breath smells like ass!