Cry me a river

I'm a randomly weeping mama. During son's preschool registration the teacher said that it would be ok if I "needed to cry". I busted out laughing and asked, "with joy?!" thinking of the two hours twice a week I would now be getting free. And then other times I'm a soggy mess. Like yesterday morning, I was reading son Someday by Alison McGhee. I was hiccupy sobbing by the time I got to the end of the book. Honestly, I double dog dare you to read it and not lose your shit.

I thought I had recovered from my weepfest later that afternoon when the door
bell rang and this appeared at my door.


You see, Sandy from Organized Chaos asked if she could send me "some" clothes. She lost a bunch of weight and thought I might appreciate having some transitional clothes to wear while I attempted to pare down my wide load. Not only did she send tons of clothing (at her own expense) but they were so lovely. Some even had price tags still on them! Sandy already slays me when I read her blog. She's a mom to eight children and a widow. Reading about how she lovingly helps her children with their grief just (ok here it comes again) makes me tear up every time. She's also found a new love in her life and that makes me swell with happiness for her even though I wouldn't recognize her on the street if she passed me by.

I then rounded out my weep fest with son later that evening. Sometimes I turn away from my kids. Not physically, but mentally I just need a break and so I go on autopilot. But they know. They always know.

And somewhere between the book and Sandy's delivery I snapped back to earth and realized the kids and I were missing each other. So with Daddy working late, son and I made popcorn and watched TV way past his bedtime in my bed. And we told gross jokes like "Why did the elephant fart? Cause he had a big poo!" Bwaaaaa!

And when it was time for him to go to bed he asked me to carry him - which is HUGE since lately he's been all wiggly and boy like when I try to cuddle with him. A
s I carried him I told him where his crib used to be in his room, and how I used to play with him on his changing table. All the while wondering how the hell did he get so big so fast? (Crap, here they come again). Last time I checked he was a baby!

This is why women keep having children - we want do-overs so we can go back and relive all those moments that went by so damn quick. (Blink) See!? Like that (snapping fingers)!

11 comments:

Mamma said...

PMS or exhaustion?

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I cry like a big we towel when I read certain kids books too....Ugh. Terrible..SF always thinks it's the worst and she gets upset...I'm horrible.

That's so cute you watched TV and ate popcorn past his bedtime...I love that idea...I wish SF would sit long enough to watch TV!!!!

Yeah, babies are adorable...But they GROW and when they come, post partum sucks and they cry and get colick and they can't tell you what the friggin' problem is....That is what is keeping me a mom to an only child...

Oh, The Joys said...

I'm sorry you have the weepies, friend.

(((YOU)))

mommiebear2 said...

You are so right in so many ways with this post.

PurlingPirate said...

I haven't read Someday, I have a feeling I would cry like a baby so maybe I'll steer clear of it!
I am fighting those baby urges lately bad! My son is turning two at the end of the month and I'm struggling with the wanting another baby phase!

Kelly said...

Sometimes it's good the have the weepies. Get it out girl! Get it out!

Lotta said...

Mama - Your comment to my Capri Sun post made me realize that exhaustion is likely a part of this. Husband's been working late more often then not lately. But mostly I think it's that random "they are so big!" weepfest.

Janet - thanks for the reminder cause you know these type of weepfests can often lead to pregnancy.

Oh - thanks oh!

Mommie - Weep with me.

Purling - Daughter turns two in a week too - it is the age when you fight the urge to do it again for sure!

Kelly - I agree, thanks!

Jenny said...

I'm crying just reading this.

*sniff*

sparklefluff said...

BTW, your wood floor is beautiful.

Kids do grow up too darn fast!

Lotta said...

Jenny - I know. PS, my camera sucks wads.

Sparkle - If you saw it in real life it's full of dog scratches. But it photographs much better!

karrie said...

Some clothes?? Wow. What a nice thing to do!