Lately I've been hearing the phrase "relationship with your bank" being tossed around a lot. I was listening to a mortgage program on the radio tonight and a call-in listener was told that if they had a "relationship with their bank" they would get a better rate on their mortgage. And I forget which show I was watching, TheViewOprahEllen something or other, but on it they had an author who had written a book helping women get a better hold on their financial life. The author's first piece of advice was to start a "relationship with your bank."
This advice confuses me. What exactly do I need to do to start this relationship? Set up a meeting and then wait three days before calling again? Dress sexy? I'm pretty sure the answer to that question is "Have money". And we don't. So I'm pretty confident my bank isn't interested in "having a relationship" with my broke ass anytime soon. It would be the equivalent of asking someone out while you still lived in your parent's basement. At age 35. Perhaps, they might give it a go if they needed to get laid badly enough, but you can be sure that no relationship would be forthcoming.
Me: Hi. I would like you to drop the $45 overdraft charge on my account.
Bank: Oooooh. I'm sorry I can't do that. We only do that once a year.
Me: Like on my birthday?
Bank: Excuse me?
Me: See, here's the thing. The only reason we were overdrawn was because the bank, you, charged us $25 for keeping duplicates of all the checks we write. We never signed up for that service and were unaware of this charge.
Bank: Riiiiiiiight. As of March 1 we began providing that service for everyone.
Me: But I didn't ask for it.
Me: Could ya blow me?
Bank: Excuse me?
Me: Could ya show me were it was indicated to us that we would be receiving this charge?
Bank: I can resend a copy of the terms of your checking account but it will be a $4 service charge.
Me: I'm totally breaking up with you.