Does this mean I have to send flowers?

Lately I've been hearing the phrase "relationship with your bank" being tossed around a lot. I was listening to a mortgage program on the radio tonight and a call-in listener was told that if they had a "relationship with their bank" they would get a better rate on their mortgage. And I forget which show I was watching, TheViewOprahEllen something or other, but on it they had an author who had written a book helping women get a better hold on their financial life. The author's first piece of advice was to start a "relationship with your bank."

This advice confuses me. What exactly do I need to do to start this relationship? Set up a meeting and then wait three days before calling again? Dress sexy? I'm pretty sure the answer to that question is "Have money". And we don't. So I'm pretty confident my bank isn't interested in "having a relationship" with my broke ass anytime soon. It would be the equivalent of asking someone out while you still lived in your parent's basement. At age 35. Perhaps, they might give it a go if they needed to get laid badly enough, but you can be sure that no relationship would be forthcoming.

Ring Ring

Me: Hi. I would like you to drop the $45 overdraft charge on my account.

Bank: Oooooh. I'm sorry I can't do that. We only do that once a year.

Me: Like on my birthday?

Bank: Excuse me?

Me: See, here's the thing. The only reason we were overdrawn was because the bank, you, charged us $25 for keeping duplicates of all the checks we write. We never signed up for that service and were unaware of this charge.

Bank: Riiiiiiiight. As of March 1 we began providing that service for everyone.

Me: But I didn't ask for it.

Bank: Um-mmmm.

Me: Could ya blow me?

Bank: Excuse me?

Me: Could ya show me were it was indicated to us that we would be receiving this charge?

Bank: I can resend a copy of the terms of your checking account but it will be a $4 service charge.

Me: I'm totally breaking up with you.


Little Monkies said...

Banks and insurance companies both SUCK. I just had a problem in my house and the insurance company was all "oh, you didn't buy that rider", what rider? As for Banks, the big ones really blow. If you can find a smaller community bank, you may have more luck. Screw all of their shitty little charges...

Kelly said...

My nemesis has never been the bank, but the medical insurance company...I'd love to dump them.

Slackermommy said...

You crack me up!

QueenieB said...

Yeah, banks just put all the fees in the fine print in the big ol' book of Terms that they know nobody ever reads-and then there's nothing you can do about it.

We have a "relationship" with our bank, in that we have all of our accounts there, and we've been banking in the same place for 10 years. But I just recently came to the realization that the great payment we have on our Home Equity Line is because we only every pay the interest-I was not aware that our Home Equity was an "interest-only" kind of thing.

Banks suck.

Wendy said...

I say you march in there and tell them you are taking your fees and going to another bank.

Paige said...

Oh...for all the times I've wanted to use "Could you blow me" as a comeback. This one truly takes the cake, woman.

yerdoingitwrong said...

I hate banks, too and all of their annoying goddamn fees. I LOVE my credit union, though. I highly reccommend. I don't hate my health insurance company b/c I work there and they pay my mortgage via my paychecks. But, I know we bug the crap out of people. **sorry all**

Angelina said...

The only way you will ever develop a relationship with your bank is if it's a really small local one where they still answer the phones in person. I have such a bank and I have to tell you that it's so amazing to have a person call me up in person when something happens with my account and to know that that person is sitting in an ugly chair not three blocks from me. I could walk down there and talk about stuff.

That's kind of like having a relationship.

But they won't lend me money anyway.

Jenny said...

That bank was no good for you anyway. You can do so much better.

Let's goo drive by his house and hit his mailbox.