What I have learned this week...

If you want a contractor to come by and give you a quote all you have to do is take a poop or a shower. They'll ring the doorbell right away!

Telling your 4 year old son to "Cowboy up" when he's losing his shit at the zoo, eh...not so effective.

If it's midnight and you're covered in drywall dust, kid snot and grape jelly don't joke with your husband about sex slangs like "Pearl Necklace" and "Bird-Watching" because it renders you instantly desirable. So if you want to get a shower and some sleep avoid tossing around terms like "Double Click The Mouse" and keep your eyes to the ground.

Husband will financially prioritize electrical supplies far and above groceries once he's in the throes of a project. Adversely, this makes it much easier to smuggle in unauthorized clothing purchases if I stick them in a Home Depot bag.

Trying to stick to a weight watchers plan without a kitchen, eh...not so effective.

9 comments:

Worker Mommy said...

What I have learned...

Never bend over around hubby. He automatically thinks that's an invite. Man, can't a woman pick up a toy for the love of God ?

Hmmm...Smuggling in unauthorized purchases in a Home Depot Bag. It could work... Are you sure that won't make him more interested in what I have though ?

PurlingPirate said...

Too hilarious and too true!!

Oh, The Joys said...

I love how easily you get your man all riled up. He's a horn dog for you!

Seattle Mamacita said...

i gotta try the home depot bag trick...cracked me up..

Slackermommy said...

God, girl you always crack me up!

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

good to know!!!

Judi said...

O.K... just had to look up bird watching. Um, never heard of that one. And speaking of Pearl Necklace..... I found a paint color at Ace Hardware the other day called Pearl Necklace. I brought home the color card and told my husband that I was going to paint our daughters bedroom that color.

He did not like that.

Lotta said...

Worker Mommy - What's up with that? And good point about the Home Depot bag. But today I got a skirt from Kohls in the door with that technique!

Purling - Thanks!

OTJ - I wish I could take the credit but I suspect he's just a rowdy guy. One flash of the boob and he's ready to go.

Seattle - Do it!

Slacker - ;)

Aimee - Thanks for listening.

Judi - Snort.That is hilarious. And, ahem, he knows what that is so...good for you!

mommiebear2 said...

Cowboy up?? That is just too much! You are so friggin funny. The Home Depot bags would not work for me since one - hubby works there and two - he knows I avoid that place like the plague.