Dear Love Sock Makers;
I just want to start out by saying I totally appreciate what you do. Keeping the millions of spermatozoa at bay so I don't have to go through another round of labor and delivery automatically puts you at the top of my list. And I totally get that YOU are trying to get ME. The ribbed for her pleasure and all that. But honestly, after having two kids I'm not really sensitive (ahem) enough to appreciate those manufacturing subtleties. Recently you stepped it up and created a condom with a vibrating ring. High five! Though I must say it's a bit of "psyche" if you know what I'm saying. I mean, it's there, it's not there, it's there, it's not there. But you're trying and that makes me proud.
However, I have a new product suggestion. Can you make a condom that doesn't make the air smell like ass and new blacktop post coital? Seriously, run with it. Partner up with Febreeze or better yet Yankee Candle Company and get me some cock socks that actually freshen the air with the smell of Country Linen or Clean Cotton. You could even introduce different fragrances for the holidays! Who doesn't appreciate the scent of Grandma's Sugar Cookies as they drift off to sleep? I know I do. And let's be honest, I think women would be far more open to sex if they knew that their bedroom linens and air would be freshened up with the scent of Orange Citrus after an afternoon quickie.
No need to thank me, though a box of samples would be appreciated.