Next thing you know I'll be kicking puppies

The beloved Kevin Charnas, collector of gay Mexican pottery and mommy blogger pinup just wrote a great post about random rage. You should go read it, but basically he loses it when some cranky old man taunts him about dog poop. Maybe there's something in the air cause a few days ago I was uncharacteristically bitchy. And by "uncharacteristically" I mean bitchy to people outside of my family.

I was driving and accidentally signaled that I would be turning right down a one way street. I caught myself before turning, flipped off my signal and did an "oops" wave to the person coming down said one way street. But instead of giving me an "s'alright" wave back the woman continued to scream and shake her fist at me. I'm not sure what came over me but I pulled over, rolled my window down and deployed sarcasm. "You know what I LOVE", I drolled at her, "I LOVE when people don't let you off the f'king hook when you've made a mistake. Seriously. Thank you so much! Can we be like bestf'king friends forever lady!?" And I think I even sneered as I pulled off.

And tonight I was trying to kill the weeds that are springing up in any and all cracks on our sidewalk. The weeds have snaked over from our neighbors, AKA The Clampetts, yard. But that's cool. It goes with their decorating motif. The couch on their front porch, toilet/flowerpot and half painted house just wouldn't look pulled together without the ass high weeds. I asked their kids to "please play in their yard so they don't roll their toys into the chemicals I'm spraying ". I repeated this request about 5 times. Finally, I just lost it. "Line up kids! No need to be shy. I'm happy to spray Round Up Di-rectly onto your toys. Step right up!" Husband then calmly suggested I lay off the pesticides and go inside.

So I feel you Kevin. And I totally would have held your poo sack while you went toe to toe with the old dude.

16 comments:

BoggyWoggy said...

You rock, Mom-o-Matic. I get a good laugh here everytime!

Kevin Charnas said...

HHAA!! "Beloved" and "Mommy blogger pinup"??? How completely flattered am I???

Lots, Lotta. Thank you, sweetness.

Oh Lotta...I wish that I could tell you that I'm sorry that you bitched that asshole out and that you've been feeling cranky lately, but you just made me feel better.

Maybe it's a "misery loves company" kind of thing. But, I don't want you to be miserable. I guess I'm just glad that I'm not alone.

So, thank you.

And I think you're right. Sometimes, if we don't let the stuff out, it's gonna blow some other way, and it ain't gonna be pretty.

Fidget said...

I swear it is something in the air. First the trees dropped pollen and now sarcasm

Oh, The Joys said...

You are hilarious and I love you long time.

Stephanie said...

I have a few days a month when even the chipmunk hide.

:D

mommiebear2 said...

You are seriously the funniest gal I read. Its like if I dont get my Lotta fix every day, my worl djust crumbles around me. I have started asking myself "Now, what would Lotta do?" ;)

Elizabeth said...

You are awesome, Lotta. I've been known to come up with some witty responses to those types of situations too... you know, like TWENTY MINUTES LATER.
You've got a gift and therefore should use it.

Slackermommy said...

Pesticides and bratty kids have the same effect on me. Thank God for Wellbutrin!

Karly said...

Dude. It is totally something in the air, because I am UNBELIEVABLY grumpy today. I wish I could spray some Round Up at someone.

For the Love... said...

The lady and her family should be giving you an award. Consider it an intervention...lucky her that the person who responded to her snarky attitude did not do so with a pistol.

Bet she wet her pants!

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

I call her the Inner Bitch and I love her.

Worker Mommy said...

You were right on in doing what you did.

She's the one that'll be going to hell for her inability to forgive :)

Anonymous said...

Oh god, I would have done more then that!

Jen said...

LOL, well didn't you know? Some people never ever make mistakes. How could they possibly relate?

Are we neighbors? I live next door to the clampetts too...maybe you are 2 houses down from me.

Jen said...

LOL, well didn't you know? Some people never ever make mistakes. How could they possibly relate?

Are we neighbors? I live next door to the clampetts too...maybe you are 2 houses down from me.

BoggyWoggy said...

My now-ex-sister-in-law had a sign on her fridge: "Women don't sweat, fart, or burp; therefore, we must bitch, or we'd blow up!"