Today has been one of those days were I want to scream STOP TOUCHING ME and I can't.
It started when I woke up with son clinging to my neck and daughter bouncing on my belly. I shook off the don't touch me feeling cause I know I'm damn lucky to have such great kids that want to be so close to me. And yet..the ickys came right back later that morning when daughter did an FBI style roll across my clean shirt that left a big smear of snot and chocolate on my left tit. But I sucked it up, dug in the laundry pile to find a semi-clean shirt and then we were off to the pool.
Post swim I was hopping naked on one leg trying to get dressed while keeping the kids from flinging open the stall door. We have a "family" dressing room that dads and moms can use with individual privacy stalls. Both son and daughter feel that just as soon as they are clothed, or not, they should open the door and start hauling ass on the slick tile floor. So I have to dress fast while blocking the lock with my big white heine.
And at this point I have to pee so badly the shower drain is looking pretty, damn, good. See I wasn't able to pee while swimming because the pool bathroom architects set the toilet well and away from the door. Meaning, I can't block the kids without hopping off the toilet, swimsuit around my ankles and pee dribbling behind me as I grab for the handle. I've tried screaching OPEN THE DOOR AND ALL YOUR DVDS GO IN THE GARBAGE! But that just results in them crying and then running out to expose a half naked red faced mom on the crapper.
Back home son starts having a meltdown that he doesn't want to nap. I can't let him freak or he will wake up daughter so I say that I will lie down with him for a minute. As soon as I'm on the bed son says, "Mommy. Your butt's still kinda big. I don't have enough room." Bwaaaah! 5 minutes later I'm explaining to son that even though mommy's boobies are squishy like a pillow you can't squeeze them and say "honk honk!".
Now I know that I fight compulsive tendencies. If I go outside in my pajamas I must change into new ones before going to bed. Because now the ones I have on are not "clean". If the dog licks my hand I must wash it immediately. (Though in all fairness she does eat her own shit.) And yes, this is why I take drugs. But I think that most of my mom friends have had some "For the love of all that is holy stop TOUCHING ME!" days too. Right?