No touch mommy!


Today has been one of those days were I want to scream STOP TOUCHING ME and I can't.

It started when I woke up with son clinging to my neck and daughter bouncing on my belly. I shook off the don't touch me feeling cause I know I'm damn lucky to have such great kids that want to be so close to me. And yet..the ickys came right back later that morning when daughter did an FBI style roll across my clean shirt that left a big smear of snot and chocolate on my left tit. But I sucked it up, dug in the laundry pile to find a semi-clean shirt and then we were off to the pool.

Post swim I was hopping naked on one leg trying to get dressed while keeping the kids from flinging open the stall door. We have a "family" dressing room that dads and moms can use with individual privacy stalls. Both son and daughter feel that just as soon as they are clothed, or not, they should open the door and start hauling ass on the slick tile floor. So I have to dress fast while blocking the lock with my big white heine.

And at this point I have to pee so badly the shower drain is looking pretty, damn, good. See I wasn't able to pee while swimming because the pool bathroom architects set the toilet well and away from the door. Meaning, I can't block the kids without hopping off the toilet, swimsuit around my ankles and pee dribbling behind me as I grab for the handle. I've tried screaching OPEN THE DOOR AND ALL YOUR DVDS GO
IN THE GARBAGE! But that just results in them crying and then running out to expose a half naked red faced mom on the crapper.

Back home son starts having a meltdown that he doesn't want to nap. I can't let him freak or he will wake up daughter so I say that I will lie down with him for a minute. As soon as I'm on the bed son says, "Mommy. Your butt's still kinda big. I don't have enough room." Bwaaaah! 5 minutes later I'm explaining to son that even though mommy's boobies are squishy like a pillow you can't squeeze them and say "honk honk!".

Now I know that I fight compulsive tendencies. If I go outside in my pajamas I must change into new ones before going to bed. Because now the ones I have on are not "clean". If the dog licks my hand I must wash it immediately. (Though in all fairness she does eat her own shit.) And yes, this is why I take drugs. But I think that most of my mom friends have had some "For the love of all that is holy stop TOUCHING ME!" days too. Right?

26 comments:

Gretchen said...

Yes, I have stop-touching-me days as well.

Fidget said...

Well I have those days all.the.time


but I'm not who you want to hear from cause I should be medicated like I used to be.

MILFBoundNikki said...

Right. And that goes for everyone. Poor hubby.

Have I asked you yet if we were separated at birth?

Little Monkies said...

Oh yes, Mama. My son now does this thing (unconsciously, I think) where when I am like "OUT OF THE KITCHEN NOW!!!" he runs over and stands RIGHT next to me, like pressed against my leg. If I break off and try to run around the island, he follows. yeah, I'm not freaky about my space or anything.

And I totally get that pyjamas thing too. It makes sense, really. I mean, you are *outside*.

Wendy said...

I understand the dog licking your hand thing.

I have this everyday around dinner time. I dont understand how I am suppose to make dinner with a tiny boy attached to my leg and a girl constantly screaming she is hungry. I am going to start throwing cheerios on the floor and letting them eat dinner there.

Lotta said...

Gretchen - You? Never would have guessed it you always seem so together on your blog.

Fidget - Get back on the meds!

Milfb- Poor hubby indeed. I'm glad we are kindred spirits I can always use more of those!

LM - Exactly - I mean what if a cicada attached itself to your pajama leg!

Wendy - I know. I know!

Amber said...

My son does the same thing! Jumps on me or sits on me. Sometimes it's okay and is nice. But, it's usually when he is hyped up on sugar or something. Already driving me crazy and then adds the jumping to it. We to go swimming and I finally broke him of opening that dang door. Who makes these bathrooms??? Why would you make a family bathroom with a door handle you turn to unlock...grrrr. Next time get yourself dressed first and go to the bathroom and then tend to the kids. They usually don't like to be seen naked (not all, but most ;)

Anonymous said...

frankly, nothing you have said in this entry makes you seem ocd tendencies. it all seems perfectly reasonable. you're not three years old. dirt bothers you, especially on your clothes (mine too). and even little kids like their space. you know, WHEN they decide they'd like their space. but until then they like to be limpets on mommy. or poke at their sister/brother. or generally find some way to drive otherwise normal individuals nucking futs.

jakelliesmom said...

Yes, yes, and YES! Ellie has mastered the door latch thing, so we have a lot of conversations about not opening the door while mommy's pants are down. She is, however, still two, and marvels at the fact that she is able to open the door all by herself.

I try to cuddle a lot with my kids - we read stories together and watch a show together in the morning, but I'm finding myself having a lot of "It's not okay to touch mommy there" moments, as well as a lot of "please stop kicking the back of my seat NOW!" car rides. Ellie loves to stick things down my shirt then fetch them, Jake seems to not understand personal space and privacy.

Whew. I feel better now.

Pissed OFF Housewife said...

Any honest mother on earth could've written this.

Anyone who says that there's never been a day that they didn't just want their body back is either lying to you or to themselves.

Doesn't seem very OCD to me.

Pissed OFF Housewife said...

Ooh, but then again I think dusting is the most fun you can have with your clothes on

so maybe my opinion isn't that important.

Kelly said...

Mine is a time of day..every day. It's usually about 4pm until after dinner. I think my children have learned not to go near mom during those times. Now if I can just train the husband. Thank goodness he's at work 5 out of 7 during that time.

Oh, The Joys said...

All day I want to scream, "I am not your napkin! I AM NOT YOUR NAPKIN!!!" But there is something in the way they look at me that says, "Oh, yes you are."

Little short people. Grrr.

Lotta said...

Lotta - Men who want a looky looky at the mommy punanny must make those bathrooms.

Anon - Thanks! I did soften it up. I used to have to turn the light on and off several times before I could jump into bed. Have to touch my finger to my nose 5 times, stuff like that. But that was a long time ago.

Jakes - Thats the thing. I LOVE cuddling. Will cuddle often. I hate being mauled when I'm trying to do shit.

POF - See above.

Kelly - 4 is a tough time of day!

OTJ - When my kids are running at me for a big hug and I can see they are gonna wipe their big snotty faces across my shirt I hold them away from me. Then they lose their shit cause mommy is rejecting a hug and I have to suck up the snot wipe that's now even worse cause of the tears. Phew. Got that out.

8:58 AM

canarygirl said...

Totally. Understand. Thanks to all that is holy for mentalmeds.

Jen said...

First of all, when you said, "I couldn't pee while swimming" I was really relieved to see that you mentioned a toilet in the next clause of your sentence.

To my husband, I say..."There are two kinds of touching, touching that gives energy & touching that takes energy. I've been dealing with the second kind all day. Touch me again, and you may draw back a bloody stump."

Look at the bright side, you are increasing your kids' vocabulary when you say things like, "Not now, mommy is feeling overstimulated."

Southern Fried Mom said...

I have locked myself in my bedroom twice this week for this very reason. And don't get me started on the boobie grabbing...enough, already!

Russ said...

"... left a big smear of snot and chocolate on my left tit. But I sucked it up... "

AHHH MY EYES!!! oh the visual that gave. Blah.

Even daddies get the "don't touch me!" And I swear if my kids ever figure out what I mean by "I'm going to change my name and not tell you what the new one is" then I'm going to have to turn in my daddy cards.

Lotta said...

Russ - ooh that was a painful turn of phrase.

mommiebear2 said...

Yes - totally!

Domestic Chicky said...

ALL.THE.TIME...

I like Jen's explanation tho...hubby can't seem to understand that being mauled all day means a definite "no touch" night...

jbugg said...

my now 9yo dd has learned the phrase "mommy has a very large personal space requirement" which is usually uttered by me preceded by the words "honey I love you more than anything BUT..." Yes, my husband thinks this makes me a freak...but I am comfortable with my little quirks! You are not alone sista!

Lotta said...

"touching that gives energy & touching that takes energy" I love this, it's so true!

Jenny said...

Yup. Totally and completely normal.

Karen Forest said...

Oh, I love this post!

I constantly am made to feel like a bad parent by my husband who doesn't understand the "don't touch me feeling."

I can't help it, and at the end of the day, there are times when he touches me that it feels like another pair of hands pawing at me and I really have to stop and breathe deeply to put a halt to the hair standing up on the back of my neck.

Thank you for this.

Paige said...

I flip out over too many demands to pick Avery up. Makes me insane. You're two. You can walk. I'm not carting your ass around.