This post is for Mama Loves because she said that mommy bloggers never write about sex.
I just showered with my new Clean Cotton scented shower gel from Bath & Body works. Sudsing off layers of sweat, boogers (not my own) and urine (ok some of that is mine). I'm fresh and clean and oh fuck husband wants to get busy. I love husband but I want to enjoy the feeling of not being covered with other people's bodily fluids for awhile. Plus lately, I'm just not feeling it. Normally, I'm all "Put this baseball cap on and pretend you're the pizza delivery guy, kay?" but the past few weeks I've just lost my sex mojo.
Husband isn't helping the situation much either. A few days ago he came home from work, changed into grungy clothes and began installing our new kitchen cabinets. As I walked by I noted that he smelled particularly "spicy". This isn't really odd since I'm known for smelling his undershirts and guessing where he went for lunch. It's a talent. He confessed that he was sweat'n like mad all day as he was out at a job site in the 100 degree weather. A few hours later he walks up to me and makes eye contact with his peen and then back up at me. As if to say, "Honey, remember how you promised me a night of a 1000 blowjobs if I got you a new kitchen?" I'm like, dude you know your satchel likely smells like a monkey cage at this point. You can't even be offended by my rejection. Me, the woman that thinks Dial soap should be marketed as an aphrodisiac.
And I made it worse when we went to a party this past weekend. I know he figured I was shaved, perfumed and in a skirt so sex was a clincher. But I spent the entire 20 minute ride home trying to remove a piece of beef gristle from my teeth. Then we got home and I was all, "Is it still in there? Can you SEE the gristle?" 30 minutes and a box of floss later I walk into the bedroom and he's naked. And I say, "Really? Really? I mean, really?" Now in the past if I wasn't in the mood I would have gone with the "Baby it makes me hot to take care of YOU" angle. Then use every move I knew to make it happen as fast as possible. But me and my bloody gums just wanted to get some sleep.
And I've also become one of those women who think about other things during sex. Like, "Crap, I better not have to change the sheets I just put these on this morning." or "Dude, you are so not giving me a pearl necklace cause I don't want my chest to smell like ASS when I have to rush out the door unshowered tomorrow morning.". And I totally hid the Baby Oragel. (Put it on under the condom, makes him last much longer) and lied about it. Cause I want it over with quickly so I can fold that load of laundry that's been buzzing in the dryer for the last 10 minutes.
I think I'm just tuckered out. The remodeling that's been going on is awesome. I'm very lucky. But I'm also very tired from watching the kids from morning till bedtime so husband can work on the house. Then using the evening to pick up the house and knock a few inches off laundry mountain. And the whole brokeass mama effect has gotten worse since Home Depot started siphoning off our cash. For some reason being broke is exhausting. So forgive me for not rocking you like a hurricane husband. You're still the King. But don't mess up the sheets, kay?