1.) Post BlogHer07 "I hate mommy bloggers" posts. Don't be hater man. If you didn't want to speak with us you should have politely excused yourself. Then you and your dusty ovaries could have been alone with each other. We wouldn't have followed you, we're too busy comparing crotch scars.
2.) "Your kitchen still isn't done!?" Do I look like I won the lottery? Am I not annoyingly vocal about our brokeass status? If you know me you are well aware that this kitchen redo is a cash only project and we have to wait, and wait, and wait whenever we run into big money installations. Like appliances. Or spaghetti strainers. Or pretty much everything.
3.) Passive aggressive comments. Do you hate the fact that I (fill in blank)? Then just freaking tell me. (And posting this complaint on my blog instead of telling the persons directly isn't passive aggressive at all. Nuh uh.)
4.) Lame MILF-ness. I have weighed the same since my last Future MILF weigh in 3 weeks ago. Gah! And I know it's cause I've given up on preparing half-ass non-kitchen meals and have sold my soul to the drive-thrus.
5.) Missing the love. I'm almost mad that I met so many great women at BlogHer07. Because they all live a million miles away. For some reason I'm not finding women that I want to start up friendships with in my area. Perhaps that's because I don't know their innermost secrets right off the bat. But mostly I'm sure it's because they don't have haunted dollhouses or were former dance girls.
6.) BigLittle Syndrome. My kids are so big! Little, but still so big all of the sudden. And I'm realizing that we are likely done procreating. And it's kinda bumming me out. Even though when I thought I might be knocked up a week ago I was all "Holy Mother of Christ..Nooooo!". There was kind of a let down when Aunt Flo knocked on the screen door.
7.) Poop. Or lack thereof. I'm making an appointment to see the poodoc. Pray for me.
8.) Sex. Or lack thereof. For some reason when I'm in the mood he's not and vice versa. We just can't seem to match up these days.
9.) Boring self. I'm pretty sure that everyone that knows me in real life says, "If Lotta talks about her freaking blog or her weight loss one more time I'm gonna scream." I am officially boring and redundant as hell.
10.) August 26 birthday. For the most part every year is better than the last so I love birthdays. But I feel like I got hit with the ugly stick this year. My boobs look like Snoopy faces. My forehead has a roadmap on it. My wardrobe consists of 100 Target teeshirts in various colors and 3 pairs of capris. (I haven't worn clothing this boring since I was in Garanimals.) And my final and most affirmative sign of middle age was when someone let me take a bite of their BlogHer pot cookie I spit out it because it was "too salty".