Is it raining dear?

Me and my mountain of stinky family camp laundry are back.

We were camping in Door County, WI in a great campsite right next to the beach. My parents go every year and the last 3 we've joined them. The nice part is that they pay for everything down to the bug spray you need from the camp store. The bad part is that after spending $500 in gas to get to Door County we kinda needed them to pay for everything. So even though I'm a 35 year old mom of two I feel like I'm 12 again. But they are amazingly generous and the kids adore waking up and seeing grandma and grandpa first thing. However, since the kids woke up at the asscrack of dawn I'm not sure my parents felt quite as enthusiastic. But all in all, a wonderful time. Though we did have a little excitement...

Daughter decided that she was going to do a number 2 in her little potty 20 minutes before we headed out the door. So we cleaned and packed the potty just in case. She ended up sitting on it every few hours that first day ("I go pee?") but not producing anything.

I am freaked out as hell to get out of the tent to pee in the middle of the night as I'm convinced that coons lie in wait for my big white heine. So the first night I had to go I decided to pee in daughter's little potty. It had a lid and my middle of the night pee is usually more of an OCD-Must-Pee than a fount of tinkle. And yet, the whiz kept coming...right up to the tippy top. I closed the lid and lie down in bed debating if I should go outside to empty and rinse. Just as I talked myself into it I heard PLOP. SCUFFLE. SNORT. A coon! Unmistakeably snuffling around our tent. I froze and then heard three smaller sounds; PLOP PLOP PLOP as the baby coons dropped down from the trees to hang with their mama. And I am absolutely not emptying the piss pot at this point.

Morning dawns and I wake to see daughter sitting on her potty. She turns around to see if she tinkled and gasps. I PEEEEEEEE Mommy, I PEEEEE, LOOK LOOK! She is out of her mind because she thinks that she has filled it to the rim. Of course she wants to get everyone to see this miracle she has produced. All attendees of her piss party are clearly aware that there is no way she could have produced her weight in urine and shoot me suspicious looks.

The good news is that once son figured out it was mommy that created the potty miracle he was stunned silent. I couldn't figure out his mortification until on the way home he accidentally peed on the potty seat. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, mommy I'm so sorry! Doooon't pee on my floor!" Ha! The fact that I would take a leak in daughter's potty reinforced the threat that I would pee on his floor if he kept whizzing all over the bathroom tile.

Next year daughter might wise up so I should probably start looking for a potty of my own. But not this one.

23 comments:

Stephanie said...

Ohhhh, Lotta!! That's the funniest thing I've read all day!!!

Oh, and while I understand your...apprehension, yeah, you do need a potty of your own! Hee!!

Lisa said...

Oh that was so funny. Love that story. Mental note: next time we go camping, take along the toddler potty, You never know when you may need it.

mommiebear2 said...

I am rolling over here!! I have to admit, I probably would have been eyeing that potty myself but I am not sure if I would have used it or not. For sure if I had been drinking though.

Southern Fried Mom said...

If it makes you feel any better...I peed in a Sonic Route 44 cup in my van yesterday. I wasn't going to blog about it, discuss it, or think about it again...but for you, I just couldn't resist sharing. As you well know...after two kids, when you've gotta go...

Mamma said...

Oh girl you kill me!!

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to say good bye. I wish we had more time to hang out.

canape said...

I've peed in a cup in the car too! And I also thought I would never tell. Yet here I am, telling. On your blog.

I know you are excited.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Wow....you have just listed MANY of the examples as to WHY I do not desire to camp!

Raccoons are some kind of nasty creatures! YICK!

Sarah said...

Ooh, camping and all its bodily function nastiness.
I think as you all camp together as the kids grow, individualized potties will be a necessity. And don't get me going on what will happen when more than one of you has their period while camping...ugh!

Wendy said...

I will buy anything that has the Uncle Booger name on it. It has to be good and no stopping. You may lose a few, but it is worth the dreaded pit stop.

Jen said...

Can't. Stop. Laughing. I hate camping & peeing in the woods-I feel your pain.

mcewen said...

That is a little too public for my liking, to say nothing of the risk of being whisked off!
Cheers

The life of Erin said...

OH Lotta you crack me up!!
We dont have racoons here in Australia..we just have man eating spiders and snakes that like the taste of humans! and that is precisely why I DONT go camping!!!
Thank you for the great laugh :) love your blog
cheers!
Erin :)

elle said...

Whew! Lotta, you are too funny. You had me laughing so hard I think I pulled a muscle. Thanks!

debbie said...

Lotta, get a bucket, it is just the right size for a mom's heine and you won't overflow it. I know, I used to take one on the little boat all the time. Oh, and don't forget to fasten a roll of tp on the handle.

Christina said...

That is TOO funny!

Growing up, our funniest memories happened during camping. Sometimes they involved the midnight pee, as well. My dad attacked my moms head one night after a late night pee because the way it was hanging out of the tent, it looked like an animal trying to get in.

Camping is some good fun! :)

Vita said...

I am crying because your story was so funny! Thank you for the great story.

Lotta said...

Thanks! Christina - that is too funny! I liked that daughter's potty had a lid so I didn't smell anything. I think I need a bigger tent. One with a different room for the potty.

Andrea said...

Oh! My sides hurt from laughing so hard! I love that you threatened your son with peeing on his floor!

When I was a kid, we used to take a bucket with a lid and TP on the handle like Debbie said, but I have no idea where we got the bucket. Also, the guys had to step outside anyway so they didn't accidently 'miss' the bucket.

adymommy said...

So funny. Thanks for a much needed laugh today!
I have an uncle who could use the bumper dumper. He has been known to um...do his business in a cornfield a time or 2.

mom2EmnRoo said...

I had to go pee (in a grown up toilet) after reading this! Laughed and laughed. I too have very valid fears about the middle of the night pee trip while camping. So funny!

The Happy Housewife said...

Firstly, I think you are very brave to even go camping at all. Secondly, I think you are very sensible to use the potty. Thirdly,I want one...

kimberly sherrod said...

you crack me up! I hope you had fun in spite of the wildlife!

Jenny said...

Holy lord, that was the best story ever.

I think I just woke everyone in the house up but it was so totally worth it.