There are times in a marriage, when you will stare at your loved one for a long time. And you will think, "By God if you don't pluck those nose hairs out I'm gonna scream!". Husband and I started dating at 19 and I'm now 36. That's 17 years with the same person. I still love, lust and adore him. But the past 3 or 4 years, since the children actually, I find myself focusing on his overly large pores or bush like eyebrows when he's watching TV.
I know I'm not alone in this. When we got together for some birthday loving husband asked, "Did you shave?". I totally didn't. And we're not talking about legs. My bush could have rivaled a 70's hippie porn star it was so natural. But a few months ago I discovered a special secret that I'm going to share with you today. There is a way to take care of your partners bad grooming without their knowledge. I figured this out when husband refused to take his vitamins. He has gotten a range of random illnesses, including Guillain-Barre, and yet he obstinately refuses to take supplements. So I bought myself a bottle of geriatric liquid vitamins. I slip a couple tablespoons into his Dr. Pepper every night and he's none the wiser.
Then one night I was staring at his sleeping, snoring self and was inspired to go grab the nail scissors. Hell yes, I was going to trim those insane eyebrows. He has a few white ones that stick straight freaking out. They send chills down my spine as I've seen too many oldass architects nonchalantly spouting hair out of every orifice. So I snipped those suckers down and he didn't twitch. I've also switched out his toothpaste with Rembrandt whitening formula and I bought a bottle of Fibersure that I plan to dissolve into every damn thing I cook for us from now on.
Though I suppose I should be careful. I just might wake up after a night drinking with the girls to find that he Nair-ed my down-there while I was sleeping.