Walker Stalker, Poop'n Patty and The Bluetooth Crowd

When I was growing up we had a crazy guy in our neighborhood we called Walker Stalker. He looked like Mr. Clean and he got his nickname because he walked so much you could catch sightings of him in different neighboring towns on the same day. You knew he was nuts. He bench pressed cinder blocks, set up alters on top of your mailbox and talked to himself out loud. Rumor was he lived in his parent's basement and was harmless but nuts. Harmless maybe, but we kids ran screaming like our pants were on fire when we saw him walking and talking in our direction.

About 10 years ago I worked at a restaurant in Riverside, IL. It was a small town and everyone knew about the local crazy, Poop'n Patty. From afar PP looked slightly eccentric in her red lipstick, black beret and black pantsuit. Sort of like your junior high art teacher. But up close she smelled of eau de cacky. This was because Poop'n Patty's specialty was entering local bathrooms and smearing her poop all over the walls and floor. (I know this because one night I got to explain to a minimum wage busboy why he had to scrape feces off the bathroom walls during a dinner rush.)

But lately it's getting pretty hard to tell who the local nutter is. I keep pulling the children closer when I see a person next to us ranting and talking to the air beside them. Then they'll turn and I'll see that little metal tumor growing out of their ear. The blue tooth tumor. And I'll realize they aren't crazy baby, they're techo-savvy. Gah! Then I found this little item on the internet today, The Blue Tooth Vibe. Apparently, the lady puts it in her "pocketbook" and waits to receive text messages from her partner. Every letter or number pressed creates a different buzz. I'm all for toys, but this concerns me because it only makes it more difficult to sort out the sane. There is no obvious tech tumor sprouting from the wearers ear, and I'm not checking the other possible location. So when I see a lady mumbling to herself while squirming and writhing do I call the cops or hand her a wet wipe? Maybe I'll just stay inside, where I'm the only nutter around.

14 comments:

jakelliesmom said...

It wouldn't be so funny if it wasn't so very true.

I suggested to my very tech savvy sister in law one day, that perhaps technology might slow down a bit so that I might be able to catch up. She stared be down before laughing at me.

Crazy isn't what it used to be.

jakelliesmom said...

I meant that she stared "me" down, and (I believe that there might have been pointing along with the laughing).

judi said...

Holy crap........ are you kidding me? Unbelievable! Wait, how much is that thing? Just asking is all.

We have had four crazy people on our town. The drunk Rooster Crower, the "Flying Monkey guy who tries to catch the trains & pumps your gas for a cigar", the lady with the dogs with the red wig and no underwear, and the Cusser who my friend Kayse hit with her car at night and thought she was a trash can.

You're not nuts. You're just a Mom with a "tore up kitchen" and great hair.

Katie J said...

Hee hee. Hubby and I are getting new phones in October. Perhaps I should make sure they're Bluetooth compatible. Then again, maybe not. I'm crazy enough without my hoo hoo getting a call.

Anonymous said...
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judi said...

Speaking of nutty....... who the Hell left this last comment? Coo-koo.... Coo-koo!

Monica said...

Okay... Looks like your blog isn't safe from the nutters. What a freak!

Lisa said...

PP's story is uh... disturbing... And uh...Eeek.

But I bet if that busy boy was on the fence about college, his decision was surely made soon after THAT incident.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I had an embarassing incident with a person using a bluetooth. This man was standing right next to me in a store....he started talking away....and I answered him....it was after that he turned and I saw the thing sticking out of his ear. Yeah...I felt like an idiot!

Maybe I am the town nutter! :)

Little Monkies said...

I was just readin' along and WHAM! Froot Loops!

I was going to comment that the bluetooth apparatus was at the top of my Santa list, but I'm still recovering from that comment.

Who knew comments could be so LONG...now I don't feel so bad for rambling!

P.S. Lotta, was that just you bein' all nutty?

Lotta said...

Yikes! I deleted that guy's very long comment.

LM - I'm not THAT nuts!

Queen - And he was the one that should have felt foolish.

Jakes - Glad your back!

Judy - Hilarious!

MammaLoves said...

Wasn't it so much easier when we knew we were the REAL nuts?

Oh, The Joys said...

I tend to assume the blue tooth people are nuts too. Woops!

I never heard of the vag version. (Was one of those in your workshop bag?)

Oh, The Joys said...

I tend to assume the blue tooth people are nuts too. Woops!

I never heard of the vag version. (Was one of those in your workshop bag?)