How soon is too soon?

Did you forget to water down your child's juice today? Didya stuff a ding dong in their mouth just so you could finish talking on the phone? Or perhaps, like me, you decided if your kid wants to live off of goldfish crackers and air, screw it. Isn't that what Flinstone vitamins are for? Well, put aside your guilt ladies. Because no dietary shortcomings on your part could compare to the wholesome liquid diet recommended to mothers in the 50's.

Ad Copy: How soon is too soon? Not soon enough. Laboratory tests over the last few years have proven that babies who start drinking soda during that early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and "fitting in" during those awkward pre-teen years. So do yourself a favor. Do your child a favor. Start them on a strict regimen of sodas and other sugary carbonated beverages right now, for a lifetime of guaranteed happiness.



Bottoms up junior!

13 comments:

Mamma said...

I love the stuff you dig up.

Katrina said...

You mean to tell me Britney was RIGHT???? I think hell just froze over. ;o)

Jennifer said...

I can't believe the crap advertisers got away with back in the dark ages!! That ad looks like something from The Onion.

Muffy Willowbrook said...

Sugary carbonated beverages would probably guarantee me a lifetime of happiness.

Lori said...

I bet the Dental Association had something to do with that ad also!
I am just finally watching my DVR'd "Mad Men" - loving it!!! But OMG - some of the things they used to get away with!

Betsy said...

I thought of Britney, too. Love that drinking soda will help your child fit in during those awkward pre-teen years.

Wendy said...

I better get those kids on some soda this minute. They are gonna need all the help they can get to fit in when they are teens. Lord knows their gene pool ain't gonna help 'em.

Lisa Milton said...

Where do you find this stuff? It is great.

{If there is some great site, I'd love to know. I have a friend who digs this stuff and I'm trying to create an altered book for her sometime. Between feeding the kids and tequila shots, of course.}

Love your site, btw.

Kimberlee + Lies said...

you gotta be fucking kidding me! wow, coca cola is evil.

-kimberlee

Oh, The Joys said...

Can you imagine?

I'll be putting a little organge pop in the baby bottle!

Rachel said...

I laughed so hard I cried! I'm not sure wher you find this stuff, but thanks for finding it.

Is it possible to sue your parents for not starting you on a strict regimen of sodas and other sugary carbonated beverages early enough thus dooming you to awkwardness during your pre-teen years?

Jenny said...

*snort*

My god I love your blog.

Andie said...

ha! that is a trip!