I now understand why my Father said "Crap" all the time

For a couple of broke-asses it's amazing how much stuff we've managed to accumulate.

Especially considering that whenever I clean I haul around a black garbage bag that's near as tall as I am to throw away broken toys, McDonald's toys and toys that just annoy me. And let me tell you the expression "Once you go black you never go back" was actually meant for women who've used these giant black plastic wonders. I can shove a bike into one of these and have room to spare for pit stained tee shirts.

Once it's filled up I throw it into the back of the minivan and cruise around for a commercial dumpster to drop it in so husband can't bring the crap back inside. Problem is, it's illegal to dump your stuff into those so I have to do it in the dead of night. I'm pretty sure somebody is going to call the cops on me someday. "Um officer, there is a deranged, sweaty lady in pajama pants throwing what looks to be a body in a black plastic garbage bag into the Applebee's dumpster.".


And I did a major purge at the laundromat last week. Our washing machine broke down and I had to haul cotton mountain there before we were buried alive. Let me tell you there's nothing like looking at your spanky pants in the cold hard light of day to make you pitch them straight into those lovely industrial cans they have at the end of the folding tables. And there were stains on husband and son's unmentionables that could not be Shouted Out.

I think most of the crap that gets brought into our home is from husband as he openly welcomes the stuff that other people are trying to get rid of into our homes. Giving away a puzzle with no puzzle pieces? Husband says, "Well sure I'll take that. I'm sure I can whittle some new pieces sometime".

The general rooms in our home are pretty tidy.

The family room.

The full, but mostly organized basement playroom.

The insanity of my husbands hoarding can only be fully understood when you look into our attic, laundry room or worst of all...husband's workshop. Oh God, "The Workshop." It is the black hole of crap. That 8 foot long broken bowling machine your mother gave you in high school? The one that hasn't worked since 1982 -well hell yes let's keep that in the workshop! Stained, gray office chair your brother snuck home from work for you 10 years ago? We don't need to get rid of it...workshop! The dead man's suits your mom thought you might like even though they aren't your size and used to belong to a guy who wore them with Depends? There's always room in the workshop!

Do you dare enter?


If I knew how to start a controlled fire. One that would only burn down the workshop and not harm any other areas of our home I would be down there with some gasoline soaked rags and a match. The only thing stopping me from attacking it are the children. I don't have one of those sets of parents that take the kids for an afternoon. So it's rare that I'm without children and husband at the same time. But when daughter enters preschool, and son is in kindergarten next year I'm renting my very own dumpster. I'm going to have to tell husband that a group of of cancer stricken orphans came by and begged for the stuff to avoid divorce. But by God it will be worth it.

15 comments:

Marmite Breath said...

Freecycle! Do it! (Your husband won't notice if it gets done a little at a time. Trust me!)

http://www.freecycle.org/

Jen said...

I can relate...I blogged angrily about toys multiplying here:

http://lordsofthemanor.blogspot.com/2006/06/what-toys-r-us-failed-to-mention.html

I love your livingroom!

Lotta said...

Marmite - I'm totally into freecycle! We gave away our old fridge that way. And he totally notices. And I absolutely give things away whenever I can. But even the poor don't need McDonald's happy meal toys.

I could throw away the floss and he would remember if it had a couple of inches left on it before I tossed it.

Jen - I'll read it thanks!

PamKittyMorning said...

Love the living room. Good luck with the 'crap'.

judi said...

Shoot..... his workshop looks like my sewing room...... no lie. Or, my side of the bed.

I'm a slob, but my toilet is clean.

The end.

Jennifer said...

My best friend had her basement finished recently and her husband used the construction dumpster to throw away stuff that she hadn't gotten around to unpacking. She was dumpster diving, in her driveway, in a business suit and heels to recover her stuff! She didn't speak to him for weeks over that but he threw away stuff like her baby pictures.

Maybe you can have theme weeks for your husband. This week can be Get Rid of Dead Man's Clothes Week.

Have him watch the hoarding shows on tv, those gave me a little motivation last week!

Katrina said...

I am married to the same man and we have a son just like him. Drives me friggin' nutso! ARGGHH! I purge while they are out, it's the only way i don't have to listen to them analyze every stinking item's worth.

EmbracingKatrina said...

Sigh, my whole house looks like his workshop. Not really, but we are all packrats here. A few months ago, we decided that enough was enough and have been purging for a garage sale ever since.

And my father-in-law is the dumpster diving king. We've gotten way too much crap from him, but some of it has been really cool.

Good luck with that!

Jenny said...

I like the controlled burn idea. I'm going to try in myself in the attic.

Lotta said...

I'm the one with the dirty toilet and the picked up house. Things photograph very nicely. In reality that couch has 2x4's ready to pop through the fabric and those "white" faux wood plastic blinds are more of a gray shade.

mommiebear2 said...

Hubby and my children are total packrats, I often tell Bryan that he has "old-man syndrome" because he saves every little item that comes in the mail. Every Sunday I go through the house throwing crap away while he is grovery shopping. Usually he doesnt even notice things missing but last week the man put his bonus check in a dang magazine on the coffee table for safe keeping and guess who threw it out?? One of these days he will learn, right?

Domestic Chicky said...

Oy to the vey-that's a lotta (pun completely intended) crap!

But your house-it's lovely! :)

Kelly said...

My husband is a complete pack rat as well. A few years ago I started throwing away things from his areas one piece at a time. You know, he's never noticed...not in THREE years! Do it. You'll love it. It's especially good when your angry at him for something....wait, that's not right is it?

Super B's Mom said...

I am so incredibly jealous of your totally awesome basement playroom. Heck, it makes me wanna get the Hot Wheels out and play.

My entire house looks like....well CRAP.

Jenifer said...

I feel your pain, my husband is the biggest pack rat EVER!

You know the worst part though.... I can finally get sick and tires of looking at something for months that he has neither touched nor ecen acknowldged it's existence...so I throw it away. Wouldn't you know the next day he is asking me where that item is.... I can't win!