Ikea? Icrazy!

I went to Ikea today. No wait, let me retype that. I went to Ikea on a SATURDAY. If you didn't need medication before you made a weekend Ikea visit, you'll need to borrow some from your corrupt friend afterwards. (Making "call me" hand signal). I went to return some drawer organizers that were the wrong size. They were the wrong size because I have no sense of spacial relationships. I disregards measurements and eyeball it. Like the time I bought the cutest set of stools for the kitchen on Ebay for only $9.99! When they came they were 3 inches high.

Anyway, I get a little flustered in a big crowd and so by the time I got up to the returns desk I was a bit overwhelmed. And I had forgotten to take my Stattera this morning so I took all three pills at once on the ride over. By the way, don't do that. I'm pretty nervy and chatty as I talk to the cashier. Plus I have no receipt. So because I realize I'm med-sweaty, talking overly fast and returning something without proof of payment, I'm convinced that the cashier thinks I'm a big stinking Ikea thief that smuggles out 20 x 20 silverware organizers.

So in a vain attempt to win her over I ask, "Hey, have you gotten any Oak Mite Bites? I sure have!" and pull my neckline over so she can see the giant raised welt on my shoulder. Cause, nothing brings two people closer than...sharing diseased skin? I have no idea why I did this. She was totally trying to be polite, but now I had started the topic and needed to keep going with it to convince her I was sane. I'm not so sure it worked. By the end of our transaction I'm pretty sure she had visions of me ducking and rolling outside to avoid these imaginary Oak Mites that she had never even heard of. (They're totally real!)


Plus, I bought the wrong size silverware organizer again. Damnit. And the receipt? No idea. So now I'm going to have to go back a second time, returning what looks to be the exact same thing. I'm totally going to stand in her line and show her the scab I have from scratching a spider bite.

12 comments:

Joyce said...

i hate the sizes of everything- im sure they never write it up properly cos its sur enot the visions i have in my head when im looking in the catalogue

nikki said...

I love Ikea, but I avoid it like the plague on the weekends. The organization departmentgets me hot.

Jenifer said...

LOL! You are totally out of control.... funny as hell, but out of control!!

butterfly girl said...

Don't you just wish you had a rewind button sometimes?

Thought I would wish you a happy birthday! Really late! You don't look 37 one bit!

Keepsakequilting.com has a pattern called four corners apron and I totally thought of you. And me. They look so easy to make and daughter and I can pull off the triangle look no problem! Check it out!

Lotta said...

Butterfly girl - I'm 36, 36!!!

Wendy said...

You know she talked about you the rest of the day, dont you?

At least, you are entertaining people where ever you go.

butterfly girl said...

I told you ya didn't look 37!

Sorry bout that, hubby is 37, I just figured I would make you both 37 in my head so I wouldn't have to remember another number. Guess I should have went with 36 then.

Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

Jenny said...

This is why I love you.

boogiemum said...

I am horrible at spacial relationships too. I started carrying a small measuring tape to hold out and "see" how big things are from the sizing on the package b/c I had too many stools from ebay problems :)

Marymurtz said...

OMG, this made me laugh and laugh and laugh!!!!

For what it's worth (and I'm chiming in way late on this) I have HAD oak mite bites. It was last summer and I thought I was going to lose my mind! I hardly went outside at all this year.

Picturing you showing them to the cashier was just a howler, though. I am officially hooked on this blog.

kathi d said...

Well, now, this sounds Perfectly Normal to me. We can't help it if some people don't understand creative minds, can we?

Joker The Lurcher said...

this made me laugh so much i had a coughing fit! i thought i was the only person this sort of stuff happened to!