Depression is a funny thing. We know that it makes us sad, but sometimes we don't realize how when we get blue it feels like we're walking through pea soup. It makes us make decisions, or forget to do things that we normally would never choose or forget. I know that I was fighting my way back from a one year post-partum whomp when I made this decision. Every now and then it likes to come back and sit on my chest. Making me feel like I can't breathe for my stupidity. I don't even recognize who I was in that moment. But I do know that I was overdone, exhausted and spent at that time.
Plain Jane recently posted about how beat down she was feeling and how she hadn't had much sleep lately. Then today I read about this sad accident with her dog Lucy. I was lucky enough to get to know Plain Jane a bit at BlogHer and I can tell you that she is a kind and loving person so it breaks my heart to see her go through this loss. Please stop over and give her your sympathy and encouraging comments. I know that what all of you wrote to me got me through the paralyzing shame that I heaped (heap) on myself for my mistake.
And please know that if you are feeling like you've got nothing left, get a sitter and take some time. I don't care if you have to overdraft the bank. Lie to your spouse and tell them it was a medical co-pay if you have to. But get the rest and space you need to figure out how to take care of yourself. Cause as much as we might want someone to tuck us in and take over, we're the only ones that can cut ourselves a break.