Shiny Hienies

This morning I rooted around in my makeup basket for my undereye concealer. Applied and then looked a little more closely in the mirror. The hell? I sparkled. A lot. Turns out that the little Wet & Wild tub of loose glitter I had purchased for daughter's Tinkerbell costume had become partially open and spilled all over the outside of all my makeup containers.

Since glitter is notoriously hard to remove I ended up going to preschool looking like a day old hooker. I've actually heard that a sure fire way to tell if your man's been at a strip club is to see if he has glitter on his clothing. It's impossible to wipe off and the strippers always wear it. So I like to think that my new look added to my special preschool-mom mystery allure. Emphasis on "special".

In my rush to get out of the house I left the tub of glitter on the back of the toilet seat. Doing this is the equivalent of going camping in bear country and wiping down the outside of your tent in peanut butter. Daughter beelined for the glitter and promptly dumped it all over the outside of the toilet seat. I did my best to get it off but I think we're all going to have shiny hienies for quite some time. Sparkly spankers. Glittery gunnysacks. Shimmering Sh..Ok I'll stop now.

8 comments:

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

That reminds me of that urban legend that floated around of the mom who put glitter on her vajajay for the gyno visit - you know what I am talking about??? If not, just know it was funny and I am doubly laughing.

Fran said...

Ain't nuthin' like a shiny hienie!

Lotta said...

I do know that Urban Legend. Though it might be a nice change from the Charmin fuzz I usually wear.

Erin said...

Glitter---ARG!!! I had glitter all over me for days after Halloween--none on my heiny. Glittering your hoohaa for the gyno? Hmmmm...

MnRooMom said...

When I was pregnant, my sis gave me a package of Lush bath bombs for Christmas. Excellent! I was lovin' my self some bath time back then. So, I throw the cute angel-shaped one in the tub, lug my ginormous twin belly into the tub, sit down only to find the water filled with red and green glitter. And the bath oils in the bomb acted like super glue to stick the glitter to me. I looked like a pregnant stripper and that stuff too a week to come all the way off. Hubby had glitter flecks all over, too, after sharing the same sheets w/ me. I'm still giving my sister hell about it.

SHELLEY said...

So funny. Reminds me of when I was a young dumb ass and dated this equally smart guy. We had a mutual friend who lets just say made her living at the gentlemens club. So one night he goes and picks her up from the "hotel" she was living at during that time (i know HIGH class right) and when they arrived at the restaurant together he had glitter all over his hair, face and shirt. Mind you she had it all over herself to along with her pleather thigh high boots, booty shorts and bra as well. So I asked him, hey do you think I'm an idiot, you've go glitter all over yourself. His reply was, we rode over here with the top down in my jeep. My reply, "So what, did the glitter jump off of her and on to you? Have a great life with mrs. stripper pants." I look back and have to laugh.

Laura said...

What a laugh this morning! You get funnier and funnier every day. Thanks for sharing!

Kelly said...

Another good laugh...thanks!