Anyway, I'm a very bad minister's daughter because we don't go to church very often. The main reason being that my father's church does not have a nursery. The Lutheran school of parenting believes that your kids need to sit their hinder on that hard wooden pew for an hour and like it! And you also need to attend the Sunday school that starts an hour before church. And but of course you will be staying for the Lutefisk Luncheon served by the Ladies Quilt Guild, eh? Oh yah!
But this Christmas I was watching my father up in the pulpit and feeling pretty sentimental. I should be bringing these kids to church every darn Sunday. They can see their grandfather preach, heck maybe I'll pitch in for the Lefsa Luncheon! Then my son went up to the alter for the children's sermon and pitched forward, hitting the prayer-kneeling-rail thing with the corner of this eye. And when son cries with pain, it's not a whimper, a sniffle or even a sob. It's an outraged "WHY ME GOD? WHY HAS THOU FORSAKEN ME?!" wail. He is betrayed and anguished and very very loud. So I run up to the alter, scoop him up and try to find ice to put on his eye. But there's no ice to be found, cause we're Lutherans and we only drink black coffee so we don't need ice. Eh? Oh yah!
Eventually son is settled and sucking on a candy cane so I try to stand up and bring daughter to the front for communion. The communion line that our family is leading, in front of the entire church. She immediately bitch slaps me. SWAP - across my left cheek. SWAP - across my right cheek. "PUT ME DOWN!!! IWANNACANDYCANE!". Husband swoops her up and brings her out to the hallway to
Son now has a black eye and daughter's had so many time outs I think she misunderstands their purpose. "Sit down in that chair you say? Why I am quite tired, thank you mother I might just rest a bit." As for church this Sunday? I think the church will have to wait till Easter to see our encore performance. Eh? Oh yah!