We're home. And daughter is tucked into bed with about 2 million stuffed animals and a good dose of Tylenol. I think this is the first quiet moment I've had since I heard about Kate dying. When I first found her we spent a lot of time emailing, and then talking on the phone before we met. I think both of us needed to ease into it.
Tonight, I'm feeling like my memories of her are slippery. And so reading some of the good stories she shared with me during our first round of emails is nice. This is a note she wrote that talks about her time at St. Mary's Home For Unwed Mother's in Green Bay, WI.
I had pleasant memories surface after I spoke with you yesterday. I
remembered being in the home when I was P.G. and how excited I was to
feel movement. I remember the girls I was close to there and I had our
hands on each others' tummys feeling kicks and jumps. It was one of the
fun parts of being there.
I also remembered going to Dr. visits with other girls and stopping at a
place that might have been called Roy Rogers to have choc malts and fish
and chips. You never moved much after that delight, it must have put you
Thanks for the memories.
Bless your heart,
One of the commenters of my last post mentioned sending some pictures to her child's addicted, biological mother. Here is my caution; understand that her life might have been a difficult one and that she too will be entering the relationship with needs and expectations that you might not even imagine. And if she is someone who had or has an addiction her sense of boundaries are going to be skewed.
Kate was a wonderful intelligent and spiritual woman. But that feeling that she was so needful of me was too much at times. And the abuse she suffered was a large part of what she felt she often needed to share with me.
You were not conceived out of violence. The physical abuse came laterI am sad I won't hear Kate's stories and I am relieved I won't hear her stories. I hope that the harder memories she shared will fade to the back. And I will be left with the stories that show me how incredibly brave and strong and wonderful she was. I already miss knowing that she was out there, and always welcoming of me. Mostly, I'm happy I could be there for her in the end as she was for me in the beginning.
after I was PG. Your father wanted me to get an abortion which I would
not do. So he tried to make me lose the baby and also used rape and
physical abuse as a way to control me. You were strong even in the womb.
I was with him for six months of my life and then I ran.