For the last year I've been feeling like I looked super old. The texture of my skin was all, I don't know..old. So I've been gooping out trying to find the perfect combo. And I'm and adventurous gooper as I actually put vagina cream on my face when I wanted to look extra special for BlogHer07. Yes, you read that correctly, VA-GI-NA cream. And my face was glowy and lovely, but I heard it was bad for you. And frankly, I felt a bit sorry for the unsuspecting that kissed my cheeks.
Then I bid on Canadian Preparation H cream on Ebay. Why Canadian? Other than the fact that Canadians crack me up - the Canadian version of Preparation H was the same formula that your grandmother smeared on all 4 of her rosy cheeks. While the stuff we make in the states just isn't the original recipe. It worked quite well, but was a very temporary solution as I ended up looking just as oldass by the next morning.
But I think I've stumbled on a most amazing skin care ritual. My skin looks younger and smoother and more acne free than it has in years. And it requires no cream that was originally intended for your nether-regions either. Here it is.
1.) Wash your face with Cetaphil® Gentle Skin Cleanser. Not the stuff that comes in a pump for combo skin. You need first edition Cetaphil. You'll know you've bought the correct bottle if it has the consistency of..well..jizz. Your hands haven't been this full of white gunk since high school. But rub it on your DRY face and then rinse off. You might need a separate eye makeup remover - but I just wash my face twice and it works.
2.) Every third day use Avon's ANEW Clinical peel. It stings a bit. But so does getting older, so rub it on sister.
3.) Look under all the couch cushions, pilfer from husband's wallet, whatever you have to do but buy a jar of Murad Essential-C Daily Renewal Complex. Rub it on your just washed face on all the nights you don't use the peel. If your face gets too redish, scale it back to every other night you don't do the peel. It costs 90 bucks. I've never spent so much on a face cream in my entire life. But this stuff is the shit. Especially, if like me you once considered baby oil and peroxide a great suntan lotion. A tiny smear of this cream takes away the tiny lines and the nasty sun ripened senior texture of your skin.
That's it. Use a light lotion in the morning with your makeup. Always wash your face. Every night. Even if you're weaving drunk like I was this past Saturday night and the bathroom looks like it was hosed down after you're done - do it man.