Hanging In There

We made it though an exhausting day with a hospital traumatized little dude. He was beside himself before the procedure as the pre-op sedative had almost no effect. I wish I had read anonymous comment about insisting that she follow her child into the OR. Because we definitely had an arms outstretched, "Mommy mommy don't leave me I don't want to do it. I don't wanna do it!" parting at the doors.

I don't think he is in more pain than daughter, but because he is inclined to be anxious the pain really freaks him out. And at exactly 10 minutes prior to his next dose of Codeine Tylenol he starts hyperventilating. My gut tells me he is the lucky recipient of my anxiety, but another voice in my head (and it's getting crowded in there at this pint) tells me that he is traumatized from all his earlier hospital visits. The frequent febrile seizures caused from out of nowhere fevers that led to many neurological tests. And the two sets of stitches he had before age 2, which I think are a result of the seizures. His balance is just now evening out.

Hell, I don't know how moms with more serious mommy trauma like Multiple Baby do it. I end up pulling inside myself so I can be strong and force the teaspoon of pain reliever down a screaming child's throat. And then end up feeling totally distanced from my family. Like I've gone too far inside myself in order to be efficient and not break down with soggy sympathy for son.

Husband is flicking the lights on and off signaling me that I better get my ass upstairs for son because he has to work tomorrow. Soggy Bloggy Sympathy time is over.


mrsgingergrl said...

Poor guy (and mom!) I hope he's feeling better.

You described how you handled it exactly the way I felt like i dealt with Jack's illness. I worried sometimes I was making myself TOO detached but i had to, had to keep it together for him. My husband was the emotional one, I was the one who talked to the doctors, made the decisions.... Only now do i think i'm really experiencing a lot of the emotions of it all.

You have my soggy sympathy.

PamKittyMorning said...

If I was close I'd come give you a break. I know how these things go. Glad it went well at least! xo

IamSusie said...

Your family has really been through more than your fair share lately. Things will settle down and you'll look back and see how strong you were during a challenging time. Hang in there. Going through the motions with a mask of calm is sometimes the only way to handle things with kids.

jakelliesmom said...

I relate to my boy's sensitivity more than I need to, and I feel it gives me a window into his mechanics, but I have to be careful with how much I indulge the tears. But that's me and mine.

I also know from my little terror how much she is impacted by every injury and ER visit and how much she remembers and I always do what I can to keep focused on, "And you're okay now."

Hope this starts the days when everything got easier for you and the little guy.

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

God. I feel nauseaus just thinking about that OR door parting. It shouldn't be this hard to be a parent, you know?

PS. I gave you a torn piece of an award. http://blogs.chron.com/mamadrama/archives/2008/02/winners_all.html

You're welcome.

Jennifer said...

Glad the hard part is over for him! Hopefully he will sleep for a few days to let the pain go away a little.

I'm a withdrawer, too. When you are an anxious type you can either withdraw and cope or freak the f out.

Gretchen said...

I've been keeping up with this, but hesitant to blog because I don't even know what to say.

Been thinking about you a lot!

Oh, The Joys said...

I'm glad to hear he's doing all right.

I have a little gift for you at my site...here.

Erika Jurney, Plain Jane Mom said...

Phew, I'm glad it went OK. Hang in there :)

Hetha said...

Glad he's okay Lotta, and now it's time to take yourself out for a night of fun b/c you've been through it lately. Maybe dinner and movie with your sis or a girlfriend is in order. Or better yet, a babysitter and a date with the huz.

so tired said...

We had a trip to our Children's Hospital this week too. Going there really makes you glad you don't have real problems!

My son had both of his eyes operated on. Because I am odd and like gory stuff I am mesmerized by his bloodshot eyes and am photographing as much as I can.

They were super spooky when he first opened them!

plumtickled said...

You know.... one of my boys had tubes & adnoids and was a strong little trooper with no need for pain killer. The other boy had his tonsils and adnoids removed and it almost killed me. He was the "most worstest" patient ever...... refused to take the pain killer because it hurt to swallow and so on.

Just to top it off.... his surgery was the day after I found out my Jack ass of an ex-husband had a girlfriend.

I was nuts too..... but made it through. You're a tough cookie and I have confidence in you!

By the way, my friend Karen had all three of her kids tonsils & adnoids out AT THE SAME TIME! We're still looking for her!