Keeping Up My Ikea Rep

Today at Ikea I walked into a crowded bathroom. Opened the stall door and started to say "Ugh!" because the toilet seat was covered with pee-drops. But I banged my elbow at exactly the same time, right on the funny bone. And made an "ouch" type noise that sounded like this, "Hooohaa!'. I then got really embarrassed and ran out.

These two events happened in quick succession so to the folks washing their hands it looked like I walked in, opened a stall door and yelled, "UghHoohaa!!" very quickly and then ran out.

In all fairness I was a bit drunk, which is kind of a scary thing to be in Ikea. Husband and I had gotten a sitter in the afternoon (oh luxury) and gone to lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings. We consumed several of those 23 ounce beers and then walked across the street to Ikea. Our first stop was the returns department. Where we sat on the bench and giggled like crazy as we recalled my last visit there.

I joked that I was going back to the scene of the crime inebriated to return some curtain panels. Curtains that were to my OCD mind ever so slightly different shades. We imagined myself slurring and insisting that the panels were DIFFERENT COLORS to the same saleslady that I insisted look at my scabs the last time I was there.

Funnily enough, it was immediately after this fun exchange encounter that I convinced everyone in the bathroom that I had Tourettes.

The $1 yogurt was good though.

15 comments:

Jennifer said...

You have to keep your ass away from that ikea!! Too funny.

A Mom Two Boys said...

OMG, I want to go to Ikea with you sometime. How entertaining!

~Diet Goddess~ said...

I'm sure that the rest of your post after the first two paragraphs are highly entertaining. However I cannot seem to read any further because everytime I read about the "drive-by" "UghHooHaa" I start laughing hysterically and cannot stop.

My husband thinks I've lost my mind. I probably have but, dang, you crack me up.

I just wish I could have witnessed the looks on those peoples' faces.

Oh no...the laughter is starting again...

meera said...

Beer before Ikea is genius.

Ikea is a trip...aside from the cheap lures, and the overpriced crap you end up waiting in line for 45 minutes to return a week later... I swear they work you hungry just trying to find your way out...and then you some how have to make it passed the one dollar cinnamon rolls??!!??? that place has an evil streak.

Lotta said...

Jennifer - It's hard to keep my large ass away from anything.

Meera - Indeed!

Tilly said...

The first two paragraphs? I litrerally laughed out loud, then had to read them again, and laughed again. It took me three goes before I got to the rest of the post.

Sister Honey Bunch said...

This was a GREAT way to start my morning! Thanks for the laugh.

Little Monkies said...

You brought up an issue that plagues me. Women crouch above the toilet because they don't want to sit in pee...and pee on the toilet! What is UP with that? And, are they like "eeeeeeew!" and won't clean the pee--that they just peeed--off of the seat. My husband told me that in the bathrooms in the Stockholm they have this awesome little spray you put on TP that lets you sanitize the seat. Um, where is IKEA on that one, I ask?

IKEA while loaded....hmmmm. Might have to try it. How much crap would you bring home then? jesus.

Lotta said...

LM - Indeed we have much Ikea crap in the house right now.

Tah Groen said...

Too funny! :-O
I too want to go shopping with you to Ikea!

peleawakens said...

What happens in Ikea, stays in Ikea.

Or something like that.

Such a funny story!!! Great for Monday morning.

Gretchen said...

Thanks for the giggle.

Now I'm craving a cinnamon roll.

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I'm usually a laughing on the inside kind of girl but this post made me snort out loud. Everyone in the office is making fun of me now.

adriane said...

I wish there was an Ikea near me I could have misadventures in.

kathi d said...

Oh lordy, you just brought out so many of my bathroom memories. I may have to have a bathroom blog day this week. All I can say is

SISTAH!!!!!