Here's the trip I took today;
Weeping: Kate’s ex-husband sent me a portion of her life insurance check in the mail today with an incredibly sweet note. Since learning of her death I feel like I’ve been waiting to cry. And getting that check in the mail somehow made it all final and real.
Smiling: Realizing that because of this check I could go to BlogHer08 and see all the wonderful people that I’ve been dying to see all year.
Pondering: Why it is that Southerners and Canadians always make me laugh?
Guilting: Talking with my husband about the fact that our one and only family vacation was 5 years ago. And I couldn’t drop a dime on BlogHer08 knowing that I had diverted funds that could help us to go on a much needed vacation together.
Smiling: I found a vintage button shaped like a Park Ranger hat that I made into a ring for Oh The Joys. (She has a fetish)
Weeping: Remembering that I’m totally not going to see OTJ’s or any other blog friend that I want to give a big old hug to anytime soon.
Smiling: Someone bought a ring from my shop!
Weeping: Read Jen Duncan’s post about joining a church so she can extend her world beyond blogging friends. Then realized that it makes me quite sad that I don’t have a female “best” friend any longer. For years I tried to squash my sis-in-laws into the role of my good friends. It dawned on me this year that I have awesome, friendly sis-in-laws but we aren’t friends. Which then made me realize that I really suck at making friends.
Smiling: Spent the day in the city with husband eating lunch, drooling over lighting for our kitchen at Lightology, holding hands and talking about plans for our future.
Stressing: Realizing that my pro-biotic yogurt miracle is failing me and I haven't pooped in 4 days.
Weeping: Being in the city reminds me of what life was like before we had children, when we were single in the city. Realized that now we have children, that old life actually looks lonely. Then cried over the fact that I’m surely a shitty mother who spends more time writing and glueing buttons together than I do appreciating them.
Envying: Start looking at other bloggers who have grown leaps and bounds in their audience and excellent writing skills and feel jealous. Realized I've vastly overused the word "realized" in this post and have skipped back and forth between tenses. Am now aware that I'm not only a sketchy writer but a vain one.
Shaming: Sudden awareness that I've emailed a local craft blogger several (many) times now with no response. Feel like a big loser.
Stressing: That if I am late for "a reason" I've surely killed the thing that shall not be named with the bottle of anti-depressant/anxiety medication I take daily.
Smiling: Someone bought another ring!
Weeping: God I'm exhausted.