Strange Day

Women. Moms in general, confuse me. Why do some say hello one week and then refuse to make eye contact the next?

It's frustrating to meet women at my preschool who seem fun and nice and to have them be wholly uninterested in socializing. I think it's because I speak too loudly because I can't hear very well. The ADD turns me into a blurter at times. And grooming tends to take a backseat when I'm feeling low, so I arrive at the preschool with wet hair and sweats. The end result is an erratic, loud and nervous personality alternated with a gloomy, quiet one. Makes you just want to step right up and make a playdate eh?

There are a few awesome moms that I'm meeting up for a movie tonight. They are funny, pretty and bright. So why am I not looking forward to that instead of feeling like a 20 pound weight is sitting on my chest because nobody wanted to speak with me today?

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. The dept. I work in all went out for lunch today and I wasn't invited. Why? Is it because I'm the only woman in the dept. of 12 men? I don't get it. I feel your pain and 20# weight...

Mitzi Green said...

i've almost made the conscious decision to stop trying to have adult female friends. i had several when i was single--they disappeared as soon as they found boyfriends/husbands. i tried other mothers--they were all too busy with their kids' social lives to keep their own social calendars straight. most recently i've tried a group of married mothers--but they all seem to be very, very tight and cliquish and it seems plans get made quite often (i.e., all the damn time) that never include me. so to hell with it.

so tired said...

I am going to play the devil's advocate here. I am a super chatty person and view pickup at school as a mini happy hour w/o the booze. That being said, I am still a woman that has ups and downs, a menstrual cycle and mood swings. Oh, and I have a husband that pisses me off all the time.

So there are days when I show up and am not my regular self. I might have something on my mind and be unusually quiet. So you have to give people the benefit of the doubt. I figure if someone is quiet and not talking today, but just the other day they were, they must have something on their mind.

Try not to take it personally. If they are rude all of the time.. F'em.

jakelliesmom said...

I feel the same thing all the time, except I'm the working mom who's running late and doesn't have time to gossip about people I don't know. There's a whole lot to this "fitting in" thing that I simply do not get, but I have a few close friends and a nice social group, and I figure that's got to be good enough.

Katrina said...

They obviously have no idea what they are missing out on! If you'd like, I'll come up their and kick them for you. I don't get the pettiness either. How hard is it to be polite and friendly?

Anonymous said...

It's always easier to focus on the bad stuff. Don't beat yourself up. Enjoy your night with your girlfriends and have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

I would place bets on it being their insecurity rather than anything to do with you. You seem like a hoot, I wish I could meet more women like you!

PamKittyMorning said...

I have been revisiting some of those kinds of feelings today myself. The cool moms vs the not cool.. I was very much on the not cool list.

You just have to set those feelings aside somehow and move on. Maybe just saying it outloud on the blog makes it better? I wasn't alone then and you're not alone now. Have fun at the movies.

Reluctant Housewife said...

I know how you feel. I used to receive the same hot/cold treatment when my son was in preschool. It's such a bad feeling.

Lotta said...

Thanks all, you made me feel much better. I've been counting my points quite ruthlessly this week so I think that my normally insecure self was feeling lower than normal from not eating much.

And I think that this issue touches on some leftover garbage from highschool.

And all is compounded by the fact that the woman I considered to be my closest friend and I aren't close anymore. It's always easier to laugh off petty things when you have a good friend to do it with.

IamSusie said...

I agree with what has already been said. Sometimes it's not you at all. Maybe the other mom is having a rough day , or is full of self doubt and lacks confidence about social situations.

My very own next door neighbor of 6 years has never ever spoken to me or even made direct eye contact. Her husband is very neighborly. I just figure this is her own thing and not about our family at all.

Carol said...

I would so be your friend Lotta!

Jennifer said...

Lotta, you rock. I'm sure it's not you. You never know what the other moms have going on. I know when I'm at preschool, I'm so preoccupied by getting my errands done while Moggie is there and getting back there in time to pick her up.

Little Monkies said...

This crap can make you really lonely sometimes. I've never felt so frickin' weird and unsettled as I have in the midwest. A lot of people who think you should be/act/behave the way they want you to...or you can't be in the club. I survived that in gradeschool and NOBODY puts Baby in the corner, damnit!

I have had 2 women I consider friends be really freaky with me lately. I think it was seriously something going on with them. They looked distressed, unhappy. Who knows what is going on at home? Don't let them bother you. But it is lonely, I know.

Hugs to you, rockin' mama.

marymurtz said...

I think you nailed it with the points thing. You're at an inbetween stage right now, and if you feel down on yourself, everything else is magnified.

I also echo the sentiments of others, that some people just have off days (or weeks) and their response or lack thereof is usually not personal.

And if it is? F 'em indeed.

Joker The Lurcher said...

i so get this! when my son was in mainstream school i was the mum hiding behind the tree in the playground - mainly from the teachers who would come out and tell me what he had been up to that day, but also from the other mums who all had manicures, ironed clothes, 4x4s, uncomplicated pasts, husbands who went out and earned loads of money, squeaky clean children who never lost the plot... need i go on? now he is in a special school he gets taken to and fro by taxi but on the occasions when i collect him the other mums and dads are much more like us - real people with real lives. keep your chin up gal!

Mamma said...

I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm super sensitive to those things and then I discover someone was just having a bad day.

For the record, you are not some weirdo. You are fun and beautiful and such a cool chick. And I'm not just blowin' smoke.

kathi d said...

Oh honey, come and sit by me. We're two peas in a pod.

I am so lucky to have one really close friend and 3-4 others who know me well and like me anyway.

Anything else is gravy.

kathi d said...

By the way, I'm sure you already know this, but in case you forgot for a minute. We ADDers are so super sensitive to other people's moods that sometimes we see subtext that isn't there.

You know, like you are rewinding entire incidents and conversations in your mind trying to figure out just where it went wrong, and what it was you said that turned the person off you, and if you asked that person, they probably don't remember one thing that you're stressing over. Man, have I been down that road!

The Mama Bear said...

Hubby would say it is a woman thing...
You've been tagged at the Cafe today dearest :)

decoratorgirl said...

Before and after school picking up and dropping off.. it's like looking for a place to sit in the cafeteria on the first day of school. At 35, I have one really good friend, a loving mother, a good hubby. It's hard to make friends at any age, in any circumstance. You are just trying to accomplish it at 15 minute intervals in a really competitive environment.. I just feel your pain and hope you know it's not you. Those women probably think and feel the same way many days. I wonder, if I had a lot of friends, how would I manage? I am glad to have one really, really great one that loves me even when I'm rotten. It is hard to be a mommy for more than the obvious reasons! I love it that you shared, made me feel at home!

ElegantSnobbery said...

I know just how you feel!!! I moved from CA to TX because I was so lonely. All the seemingly nice SAHMs from my daughters music class always made excuses about getting together... and the eye contact thing drove me crazy. I just figured it was because I was about 10 years (at least) younger than all of them. I didn't fit in, no matter how groomed I was!

Frustrating, being a mom!

Caution said...

I am thrilled that I read this post and these comments. It was good to hear that there really are other people like me - struggling with how I think the other moms feel about me. It was also wonderful to read about other adults with ADD. For the first time in many days, I feel like I am not some societal outcast. Thanks!

Oh, The Joys said...

Erg. I hate when people run hot and cold.

SAHM said...

Our school/parish has a PTA organization called "(school name) Friends". The president of this committee is THE most unfriendly person I've met in my year and half here. Don't get me wrong; I've introduced myself to her a couple of times and even approached her with a question or two. And she continues to act like she doesn't know/recognize me. WTF!?!?!? If this happened just once in a while, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. But EVERY time? Come on!!! I'm trying very hard to steer clear of the cliques I see in our school among the parents. It's just not worth it to me.

crunchycarpets said...

I cannot make real life mom friends.
I have made mom friends through the internet and the one's I knew before we had kids.

Through school stuff? Nooooo ...we seem to be evil and get the feeling stories are told about us in a hushed whisper.

No. Really.